And by religiously, I mean that I don a ceremonial cloak before tuning in to The CW.
This is seriously huge for me.
When it comes to90210, Ill gladly cop toPhantom Menacelevels of fanwankery.
Credit: Steger: Justin Stephens/The CW; Grimes: Art Streiber/The CW
But, you may ask, is the new show any good?
Im certainly enjoying it.
And sherry-swiggingJessica Walteris simply reprising her brilliant role as Lucille Bluth inArrested Development.
(I mean that as a compliment.)
However, like any devoted (read: hypercritical) fan, I have my beefs.
But Navid never really got to do anything cool until this very last episode.
Give us more Navid!
Hes the smolderingSeth Cohenof West Beverly!
And on that note,Tristan Wildsshould take his shirt off more often.
Secondly, I demand that the theme song be retooled to suit my sluggish, Gen-X sensibilities.
And modern credits sequences have followed suit.
(Besides, I miss Brandons famous air punch, perfectly timed to the drum hit.)
Remember the leisurely pace of the original main titles?
Its like anime, what with the seizure-inducing cuts and clubby music.
(Remember playingSuper Mario Bros.on the classic eight-bit NES?
You know how when the clock wound down to its final seconds, the music sped up disconcertingly?
I get the same effect from the new90210theme song.
Like, DEATH IS IMMINENT.)
Thirdly,90210needs to introduce a realistic authority figure.
These teachers are hip, handsome idealists, well versed in teen-speak and always approachable.
I mean,Rob Estesplays the principal.
Cute, fun Rob Estes!
Remember Mrs. Teasley from the original show?
Mrs. Teasley didnt mess around!
Mrs. Teasley almost didnt let Donna Martin graduate, for Gods sakes!
The students of West Beverly need someone to fear and resent.
Even TV high school.
Shes been there, kids.)
Finally, the protagonist in this case, fresh-facedAnnie needs to make a few mistakes.
Brenda Walsh was interesting because she was flawed and insecure.
Annie is cheerful, warm toward her parents, and accidentally gets the lead in the school play.
Brenda was an endearingly bad driver; Annie gets a perfect score on her permit test.
You see where Im going.
Obviously, a Brenda clone would be uninspired, but teens do eff up once in a while.
In fact, the joy of the original series was watching the characters self-sabotage over and over again.
Thats all I got.
Aside from those gripes, the show is supremely entertaining.
Wait, one more thing bring back Dylan!
Ive heardLuke Perryis inexplicably balking at the prospect, but surely they can meet his price.
Man, when it comes to solving problems, Im better than Nat.
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