Image Credit: Michael Becker/FoxI dont get the song choices tonight.
But you know,Idolis a cruel mistress.
Great job, speed-dialing Americans.
Credit: Michael Becker/Fox
We now get to spend the next 10 weeks with these yahoos.
Hollywood, are you ready to make some noise?
From the top: Cory the Warm-Up Comedian was back tonight.
Cory) tells them to.
Instead, wait for Cory to ask if youd rather have whatsinthe commemorative tote bag.
It is not an iPod Touch.
It is a Samsung Mystic, which is a bang out of telephone.
There, I have just saved you some time.
(What, you thought he was off the hook just because hes not on the show anymore?
I am told healsohas something to do with a televised dance competition, but I dont watch those.
Didi Benami cuts a Carrie Underwood-esque figure.
Crystal Bowersox looks great in a hippie dress.
Siobhan Magnus needed to be singing Pat Benatar in her outfit/fauxhawk, or nothing at all.
Michael Lynch could devour up to three of his fellow contestants without noticeably changing in size.
He gestured the worlds least-sincereyesssfist-pump at the prospect of statutory polygamy.
I wondered how far ahead of time Ryan thinks up his on-air conversation topics.
shared a nervous handshake with Lee Dewyze.
(Note: I am convinced at least two of this seasons contestants are using fake names.)
Simon scored an Altoid from someone.
I moved my hips like yeah when appropriate.
Had a Replacements song written about him, helpfully titled Alex Chilton?
Have I made my point yet?
Did you kids miss my rage?
During the first commercial, Simon and Randy made a beeline for Miley.
Cory asked us if we were ready for some Paige Davis.
I worried that someone was about to come in and start aggressively rearranging the rooms furniture.
Meanwhile, Paige Miles sat on the stools, waiting.
Simon and Kara were chatting merrily away.
Randy was leaning back to try and join their conversation.
Only Ellen was watching Paige, like some dweeb actually doing homework in study hall.
After being eviscerated by the judges, Paige earned a lone standing ovation, from Tim Urbans dad.
Mr. Urban Dad was promptly chastised for doing this by one of Tim Urbans 49 siblings.
Next commercial, Kara went straight to Miley.
Lets not dwell here.
Meanwhile, Ryan and Aaron sat on the stools with nothing to say to each other.
Kara talked to Simon.
Everyone listened respectfully to Crystal.
Simon even nodded along.
America, dont you want Randy Jackson to be happy?
Next commercial break, Randy talked to Miley.
When the Love Unlimited Orchestra exited the stage, a woman in the row behind me was crying.
Weird, I know.
Next commercial, Kara went to explain Andrews problem to Miley.
Here, she gestured a collapse.
Next commercial, Simon talked to Miley.
If I had to guess, Id say no.
Of all the contestants, he seems to be the only one having a straightforward good time.
During Caseys introductory clip reel, Kara leaned back in her chair and rolled her eyes at Miley.
Then Simon complained that Caseys version of Power of Love was identical to that of Huey Lewis.
Casey repeatedly transposed might and just in the chorus.
This bothered the crap out of me.
Next commercial, Kara literally shoved Simon out of the way to get to Miley.
Kara sat at the judging table, violently winging shirts at peoples heads on Corys behalf.
She throws approximately as well as she dances.
A helpful swaybot handed up a pair of Olsen Twins-style shades; Ryan rejected them.
In the end, I believe Ryan went with both latter pairs at some point.
I love that people keep calling Siobhan different.
When I was her age, folks were very fond of using unique in a similar way.
Me, Im going with so fing weird.
When the show was over, everyone went straight to Miley.
What did you think, PopWatchers?
Whos going home this week?
What about just cutting to Top 5?
Who would that even be at this point?
Are you happy with the choices youve made?
Have you learned anything about consequences yet?
Can the Judges Save be applied to all of us?
