Well, except for that one time.
Yes, thats right.
Watch Kara work the judges table like a stripper pole after Adam performs!
Credit: Michael Becker/American Idol/Getty Images
Hear Paula predict the final two again!
(Hint: Shes not picking the guy from Arkansas.)
Listen to Simon demand that Kris act like a cocky bastard or risk immediate elimination!
And Randy will use words, too.
Possibly in a complete sentence fragment.
Tune in, Tuesday night, on FOX!]
So I walked over there kind of like, Yeah, I hit this.
I did a pretty good job.
And I looked at Randys eyes, and his eyes were like big as ever.
But I listened to it back and I have to say I laughed the whole night.
It was the funniest night.
My own aunt muted the TV.
I heard people were making ringtones with the scary scream.
I mean, I gotta be honest.
I was with my family last night and I was laughing the whole night.
I couldnt stop laughing because I think its my funniest moment on American Idol.
And I think I definitely made a name for myself last night with that horror scream.
I think itll be in movies pretty soon.
Wait just a second now.
This time I mean it!?
Which is why its important not to lose ones sense of humor this late in theIdolseason.
Rage against the machine about Allisons ouster, yes.
But dont forget he broke into a huge smile tonight when Ryan repeated Simons ice for lunch critique.
(Yes, Mom, that sentence was directed at you).
But dont forget hes totally going to win this thing.
Ah well, theres always next week!
NEXT: Paulas…performance
And now for some highlights of last nights live-blog.
Again, click here if you want to read it in its entirety.
8:58: Heres a thought!
8:59: Questions to consider for tonights telecast: Will Randy boo Simons intro?
Will Kara bare her armpits?
Will at least a third of Paulas breasts be visible?
(Probs def.)
Will Simon show up in a tatty undershirt?
What shade of orange will Ryan rock?
And which will be most annoying?
(Randy, obvs.)
9:03 Danny borrowed one of Kris plaid shirts!
Maybe I shouldnt have read anything deeper into their awkward duet chemistry last night?
Also: Randy the bomb dot com?
But I wanted some early Aerosmith.
How much do all these kids love Allison?
A lot more than Im loving this beast of a performance.
9:07: Howl, Danny, howl!
No, you are still not Adam.
9:14: I love that Adam loved his outfit.
The judges did not refuse to let go of the final note!
Only Simon made mention of it, Ryan, you little betch!
9:16 DID ALLISON JUST GET BLEEPED?
9:16 MC SKAT CAT!
I just wish the package had done a better job of showing todays youth that Paulas no one-hit wonder.
9:17 Is there any actual singing goin on here?
Did anyone expect it?
Do we actually care?
And this is kind of a hot-ass song.
OMG, is it too late to take that back?
9:18 That tore-up Paula-Simon pic was tore up from the floor up.
But darnit, that dancer ripped it like he meant it.
9:21 Whered my Corona go?
Live-blogging while chair-dancing makes me thirsty, dammit!
9:25 Oh Gwen, this vocal is starting out all kinds of Ethel Merman does ska.
But everybodys hair is hella tight.
Oh yes, its a good hair night on Idol.
9:26 Is it wrong I wish No Doubt was singingEx-Girlfriend?
I kinda always knew Id end up your ex-girlfriend.
I kinda always knew Id end up your ex-girlfriend.
9:27 Pushups < Being flipped by your backup dancer.
But then again, Gwen actually has to sing.
9:29 I feel good about the lack of Harajuku up in here.
9:33 More than halfway through and not a single hint of results.
Now I am starting to get my panic on!
Backstage shot always seems scarier than onstage shot.
AND BLAKE LEWIS SIGHTING!
9:35 Hometown visits package: Where Archuleta says gosh.
The high schools all look alike.
And Elliotts mom makes me get misty.
9:36 DIM ALL THE LIGHTS, SWEET RYAN!
9:37 The reviews are in for Allison.
I choose only to hear the good parts.
9:39 Kris almost passed the eff out.
And I loved how Adam gave him mad hugs.
Also: Did I note lack of huggage and only arm grippage with Danny?
Or lack of time.
Now save the rocker(s) and save the season people!
9:40 Seriously, now.
This throws a whole wrench or whatever tool into the proceedings.
(Im not very handy around the house.)
9:41 I just processed it: KRIS IS SAFE.
Hes been such a beast this season, he really deserves to have his nose rubbed in Daughtrys success.
This is a higher register than Im used to from Daughtry.
Also: Anyone else a little freaked by the way his earpiece runs together with his facial hair?
Okay, Slezak?focus on the music.
IM JUST HERE FOR THE MUSIC.
I gotta say, three seasons later, I still love the sound of Chriss voice.
This will be a hit, as surely as the shape of Chris head is perfect.
9:54 Second person doing the safety dance in random order (Allison looks so nervous)?its ADAM!
Smart move to announce him next.
9:55 That sound you heard was my heart breaking.
I have to take comfort in that.
9:57 DENIAL: NO!
9:58 ACCEPTANCE: Girl, you sing this s. Remind America why they got it wrong.
Remind the world why were all gonna be lining up to buy your record this holiday season.
And no, Simon, this is not sound-alike.
You suck so hard.
Kara, stop clapping like a monkey, you too are culpable.
9:59 THAT IS AN EXIT PERFORMANCE, DAMMIT.
10:00 BARGAINING: Did that really happen?
Did Gokeys primal scream really get him more votes than Allison?
10:00 DEPRESSION: Another Corona, c’mon?
10:01 ANGER: I am going to the window and doing my Dream On.
Sorry, Jersey City, for what you are about to hear!
There is work to be done, people.
Good night and good luck.
