Season 11 kicks off with some promising auditions in Savannah.
Oooooooo-ee!Its back!
The show we grew up with!
Credit: Fox
But these kids oh, these precious little kids.
They all haveAmerican Idolscrapbooks and colorful poster boards about theirAmerican Idolobsessions that they probably made for class.
Ohhhh theyre so young.
Youre pretty old, you know?
Where were YOU when it all started?
Ryan Seacrests voice boomed out.
I imagined him following that up with an enthusiastic yet mocking, Which single-digit age were YOU in 2002?
And so it begins.
Welcome back, olds and kids who know how to read!
Its good to be back.
Feels real warm in here.
Lets just pretendThe X Factornever happened, okay?
A long and nearly tear-inducing (what?
montage of the past 10 seasons was set to Forever Young, which you are not.
But come on, now.
Theres plenty of room in this line of 10,000 toaster strudels baking in the Southern sun.
The auditions kicked off in Savannah, where Steven was beside himself with the talent.
Id actually appreciate a Steven Tyler hologram for the live shows.
Lo would get so pissed.
He certainly is, and hes become so famous that he needs sunglasses indoors.
Im left with two resounding questions.
Will David Leathers Jr. ever hit puberty, and what if its during the season?!
Also, its just so luxurious to think about all the different leathers.
Can we get a no-makeup clause on this girl?
Gabi hadnt journeyed from Connecticut just to sing.
Can I just give Nigel [executive producer Lythgoe] a hug really quick?
Oh sure, as long as its really quick.
Wow, what is this about?
Um, kissing ass?
I was just like her at that age, except not cute/couldnt dance.
Im surprised she could get down so well while singing.
Tall women notoriously look like huge dorks when they dance, especially on elevated platforms.
Oh, and apparently a decent voice.
As long as she doesnt reveal herself to be a brat, I think people could really enjoy her.
[Needle on the record sound effect!
Flattery can come in so many forms.
Amy and her boyfriend live in a tent.
She seems to really love that tent!
I guess this analogy doesnt really work because Amy literally cannot shower.
If thats what makes you comfortable, go right ahead, sneered J.
Lo, who was slumming it herself in a shimmery T-shirt.
NEXT: The triumphant return of Colton Dont Make Me Sing DixonUh oh.
Cute grandparents.Stephanie Renae, 15, sang Inside Your Heaven by her childhood hero, Carrie Underwood.
She was 8, people.
Lo commented on Stephanies natural, beautiful vibrato but then admitted her voice was too nasally.
Randy Jackson (oh, hey dawg) had the sense to say no here.
Was anyone else distracted by the significant bruise under Stephanies right eye?
But guess whos got a (non-)famous sibling!
Schyler had brought along her 19-year-old brotherColton Dixon, whod been shut out of last years top 24.
(The judges chose Brett Loewensternin the final dramatic sit-down.)
Upon learning that the judges demanded his presence in the room, Colton gasped: Oh, no.
Oh, no, Im totally ready to sing!
Colton went with a bombastic cover of David Cooks Permanent as his sister scowled in the corner.
I preferred Schylers audition, but I can see a lot of the girls n gays loving Colton.
No matter what happens, Schyler wins the coveted title of the episodes best occupation: Student/Face Painter.
The producers are clearly invested inLauren Mink, 25, and I cant blame them.
Lauren looks a lot like Christie Brinkley.
Is everyone watchingAmerican Idoltoo young to know who that is?
Are you doing the Joy Hop right now?
I would, but unfortunately the only thing I can do is live in a tent in the woods.
I often dont mind crazy if the crazy in question at least knows what its doing.
As long as people can sing, Im good with them, at least during these first few weeks.
Its either a job or a dream, and I chose the dream, he explained.
Lauras response was so bittersweet and filled me with dread: Its a dream, you know?
In fact, Steven Tyler is my future ex-husband.
Sorry, Erica Novak from Buffalo!
Now yo excuse me while I grab his ass.
This recaps about to go hands-free!
Aw, unsolicited groping is adorable.
Where were YOU when season 11s latest Steven Tyler-obsessed camera ho in heat grabbed Steven Tylers ass?
Id be so delighted.
What do you mean, help her get it out?!?!
he incredulously asked J.
Lo after shed encouraged Steven to be a little more explicit in his modest critique.
Randy just really wanted to keep talking about that.
Dr. Tylers orders: Listen to some old blues and when it comestiiiiiiiiiime to siiiiiiiiiiing, project like that.
Sure, no problem.
Jennifer Lopez is not a fan.
(And its that easy!)
Phillip Phillips Jr., a 20-year-old pawn shop employee from Georgia, is a great big live wire.
His father Phillip Phillips Sr., of course used the term You just swell up, as a man!
to convey his pride in his son.
So already we were off to a great start.
Los comment about the musical electricity coming out of Phillip and so did she because she said it twice.
Hell be fun if we ever see him again.
Line of the night:Are you a runner?
You know youre gonna be a star, right?
Lo was shown asking a contestant ever so gently.
Welcome to season 11, everyone!
Why watch alone when you’re free to watch with us?
Its not like you live in a tent.
Read more:
Idol Flashback!
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