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Im anxious by nature and I have a mood disorder, so losing control is terrifying.
I dont even drink, really.
Credit: Claire Lewis
I had [a regimen] that worked for years, and it was great.
So I studied this [microdosing idea] so neurotically and so carefully and so thoroughly.
I read all these research studies and talked to everybody I could.
But finally doing it was kind of like jumping off a bridge.
Were you waiting for the pink elephants to come twirling in?Exactly.
Or worselike, a sea of black rats to come and open up.
They might just have a really good day.
Theres no hallucinations at all.
But it does have neuropsychiatric effects.
Really, its the difference between medicine and, I dont know, Burning Man?
I am not a Burning Man kind of girl.
Trying something that seems crazy that turns out to be not so crazy after all.
Your husband,Michael Chabon, never did the LSD with you.
Still, he seemed very supportive of your choices.I came very, very close to destroying my marriage.
I decided I was a horrible person, that nobody should be married to me.
What about the legal aspects?
If I were a young black man, this experiment could put me in jail.
But one of the responsibilities of privilege is to be out in front.
I dont want to overstate itIm not on the barricades here.
I did it because I was in pain, and because I could.
And theres also a disclaimer.Yes.
I am not telling anybody to do this, God forbid.
Microdosing has gained some traction in Silicon Valley among the tech elite.
But that seems much more performance-oriented.Totally.
Like wearing a Fitbit.
[Microdosing] has what I call the Adderall effect, and the Prozac effect.
I dont mean literally, obviously.
But its stimulating, and it does make it easier to focus.
It enhances neuroplasticity, so you find yourself making these connections that are really exhilarating as a creative person.
MDMA has shown remarkable results.
Not just for vets but anybody with PTSD: first responders, rape survivors.
They wont read anything I write, its so aggravating.
