Tonight, we ended week five ofBachelor in Paradisewith an unfortunate exit and an even more unfortunate return.
Tayshias all,Yeah, but he really, really likes me, so…
I dont know, I just have a soft spot for John Paul Jones, she says.
Credit: ABC
Hes so sure about me, its really crazy.
(He puts it back in the ocean before it dies.)
Theres something wrong with him, says Tayshia, and I kind of like it.
ABC
Its a big deal to… come out, you know, to so many people, she says.
Demi assures her that shes proud to be with her, and they share a smooch.
Gotta love em.
ABC
(And if you dont, just keep it to yourself.)
Case in point: Chase.
Anyhow, hes here for one woman and one woman only: Angela.
ABC
And now hes wondering if its fair to keep dating Nicole when hes so conflicted about Angela.
I dont know what the right thing to do is, he says.
If this continues, I might leave Paradise.
ABC
Oh my God, shes right there!
With that in mind, Blake pulls Kristina aside for a lets give this a shot pep talk.
I thought I really did just want to be friends with you, he says.
ABC
Yet here I am saying that I cant stop thinking about you.
Kristina responds to this overture with an appropriate amount of skepticism.
This is weird, she says, before telling Blake to check back in with her tomorrow.
ABC
Theres a good chance, after all, that his feelings will have changed by then.
It happened to my son about the same age, he says.
The voice starts changing, hair will start growing in places it didnt use to be.
ABC
Yeah, body language may not be his first language, she notes wryly.
Ill just have to keep laying it on a little more thick.
Everybody else on the beach tries to give Matt a pep talk.
ABC
Like, dont say, Hey, kiss me.
Just kind of lean in, suggests Hannah.
Just relax, says Luke.
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It doesnt have to be, like, a full-on French, adds Demi.
I would much rather be kicked in the teeth than to not take a shot, says the host.
At long last, Matts ready… once JPJ wipes all the sweat off his torso, that is.
ABC
Nice work, dude.
For Sydneys sake, I sure hope the smooch was worth the wait.
Clay, meanwhile, decides to take Mikes advice and have a heart-to-heart with Angela.
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I just felt like our goals and ambitions arent parallel.
Clay, you go to the gym forfour hours, Angela says.
Theres a little bit more bitchy back-and-forth, but eventually Angela puts an end to the bickering.
Lets just coexist, she says.
I dont see the problem.
Im all in on you, he says.
(Yes, mark them with a big red X and run, Kristina!)
Kristina clearly wants to believe Blake is being honest, but she also knows better.
I dont know if I can safely say Im all in, she tells him.
How can I trust you that this is actually what youre feeling?
You cant, honey.
That means its time to say goodbye to this handsome devil.
(Apparently, the two hit it off at Chris and Krystals wedding.)
I told her that Im not seeing anybody else down here, he says.
Doesnt Kristina look happy?
I think she just needs time, notes Blake.
As for Brie, she needs a warm body, so she asks Matt on the date.
She carries herself very well, and shes stunning.
Meanwhile…
Welp, sorry Blake (and Sydney)!
Looks like the S.S. Blonde has sailed away without you.
That said, TeamParadise, Kristina is no ones plan B!
Katie and Chris:These two are so happy, theyre talking about settling down and having kids.
(Bukowski wants two.)
Connor and Caelynn:Andthesetwo are so happy, theyre planning on spending the night in the boom-boom room.
Unfortunately for Caelynn, shes not allowed to be happy in Paradise for long.
Why are you here?
She also refuses to hold his hand when he offers it to her.
Stay strong, gurl!
Dean starts by recapping their entire relationship, such as it was.
But it might be too late.
Connor came down, and were trying to explore things.
Its easy, says Caelynn.
Who the f wants easy?
Dean shoots back with a grin.
Now he wants them to try and be in a relationship.
I feel like her heart is meant with Dean.
She is, in a word, shocked.
Holy crap is right.
4 MOST GIF-ABLE MOMENTS
- Blake doesnt know how to use air quotes.
Dude, why did you put air quotes around burned but notbridges?
Are you onlyhalfobjecting to the idea that no one in Paradise wants to date you because youre a man-whore?
Watchthis instructive videoabout air quotes and get back to me.
- Tayshia hand-tackles Nicole
These two like each other… ), a rocket launching into space, a lion roaring, and more.
Clearly, the producers hada lotof time to fill this episode.
Week 5 is in the books, rose lovers!
Who do you think Caelynn should choose?
Is there any chance in hell that Blake is truly, suddenly into Kristina?
And have you ever kissed anyone with a sinus infection?
Post your thoughts below!
Bachelor in Paradiseairs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC
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