Welcome back toThe Adventures of Blake the Fboy, also known asBachelor in Paradise.
Lets find out… together.
And she remains in the driver seat on the date itself, literally…
…and figuratively.
BACHELOR IN PARADISEBachelor in Paradise screen grabABC.ABC
It really, truly hurt me.
(Is it possible to slut-shame a man?
It should be if it isnt.)
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I made my bed and Im going to sleep in it, says Blake.
Did you change the sheets?
Someone bring a bottle of SPF for Blake because the dude just gotburned.
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But the dude actually has the audacity to be angry at Kristina for calling him out on his bulls.
This is not how I saw Paradise going, grumbles the Town Bike.
He even accuses Kristina of attacking and ambushing him.
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Do not fing put this on me, snaps Kristina.
But Bachelor Nations Russian goddess gets the last word: Be a man, Blake.
Thats right, dude another woman wants (and deserves) an apology.
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Good try at looking shocked, Blake.
You literally called me a mistake!
says Caelynn, whos getting increasingly upset.
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We know each other, dude.
Good luck with that, buddy because you do look like the worst human in the world.
Blake and Tayshia:I have two words for you:Aaaaaand scene.
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Theres no way I can trust Blake, she says.
Hes a freaking player.
You know who also likes her so much?
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I think youre a really dope girl, Wills says when he finally gets a moment alone with Hannah.
That escalated quickly, huh rose lovers?
Soon after, though, Dylan swoops back in and informs Hannah that hes only got eyes for her.
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Hang in there, dude.
Naturally, producers give him the date card.
So whos the lucky lady?
Uh, Annaliese… what are you doing here?
Oh, thats right shaming Clay about his ex-girlfriend (and your best friend) Angela!
You know how much youre crushing her being here, she says.
I just dont how you’ve got the option to even walk onto this beach.
Clay says Annaliese has been misinformed, because he and Angela have been over for months.
Anyhoo, enjoy your date, Clay and Nicole!
Clay just makes me feel like Im the sexiest woman alive, gushes Nicole.
This could be the beginning of something special.
Only if theyre lucky, dude.
Blake, though, is doing more damage control than luxuriating in his rose-giving power.
to hear from Tayshia that Kristina painted him in a really bad light.
Could it be… OH GOD, NO!
Caelynn, is extending your free trip to Mexicoreallyworth kissing a catchphrase-spewing white rapper?
Meanwhile, both Onyeka and Jane make a play for John Paul Jones.
Dont worry about me, Im fine.
That is not what I intended to do, she says tearfully.
Awww, dont cry, Wills!
Your lady is out there somewhere.
Since when, you palm-tree-shirt wearing man-whore?
Since I got down here, Ive done everything wrong, Blake tells her.
Hannah seems hesitant, though, so Blake brings out the big guns: Youre the reason Im here…
I like your dress, by the way.
You look great tonight.
Arrrgh, you could practically see Hannahs resolve start to dissolve.
Either way, Blakes smooth talk wins Hannah over.
To her credit, Hannah immediate goes to talk to Dylan.
He… like, kissed me, she confesses.
Im trying to maneuver my way through all of this and follow, like, my heart and everything… Oh man, poor Dylan.
Demi, can you kindly talk some sense into Hannah G. before she completely falls under Blakes spell?
But Wells the meddling bartender tells Hannah G. to follow her heart.
If only she could figure out what that bloody muscle inside her chest cavity wants her to do!
Thats some bulls right there, folks.
THE 4 MOST GIF-ABLE MOMENTS:
- Chris Bukowskis intro
Cruel but fair.
Also, the man says hes 32, which would mean hes not the oldest person in Paradise.
(That honor goes to Annaliese, who is 34.)
Then again, do any of us believe Bukowski is actually 32?
- Derek and Wills synchronized swimming
Nice work, guys!
Its almost as impressive asthis.
And seriously, is John Paul Jones gonna be okay?
Post your thoughts below!
Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC
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