I dont mean morbid like Im super goth.
Sorry I just made you think about that; thats usually my quickest way to explain my nightmare brain.
Theres a guy playing video games on a couch.
Credit: HarperCollins
A guy on a motorcycle.
I think someone is smoking, maybe?
Not moving, of course.
HarperCollins
The mechanics of that would be too tough and probably way too expensive.)
Ill be wearing wraparound sunglasses like the kind I assume every man in Florida owns.
Im in a full windbreaker top and bottom set.
I just like that look.
If possible, Id love for one leg to be lifted behind me, like Im performing a stunt.
Being a bit of a show-off.
I might change my mind about this, depending on when both of us finally go.
But Ill at the very least have a photo of her with me.
I guess my friends will be tasked with having to figure that out.
But shes there with me.
Youre probably thinking this means I like to jet ski.
Well, I dont.
Ive never even been on a Jet Ski.
Im scared of 90 percent of outdoor physical activities, especially ones involving deep water.
Im scared of 90 percent of life in general to be honest.
But if you cant be adventurous in life, why not fake it afterward?
Another important rule is that none of my friends are allowed to sing.
This isnt because my friends are bad singers.
So, in my thinking, people would initially walk in and be shocked.
Then hopefully theyd laugh.
But then theyll look up at me doing my stunt and laugh again.
Or shake their head and say God, you fucking weirdo.
As long as they dont stay crying.
Because I really loved them a lot, too.
And I dont want them only feeling so sad.
And I hope its a little reminder that it meant a lot to me to be THEIR fucking weirdo.
My adventures were the time I spent with them, and they made me yelp with delight.
I realize what a vague word this seems to be.
(Minus my dog, obviously.)
I guess afterward I can be cremated or something.
Made into a reef ball, if thats still a thing and its environmentally helpful.
Im thinking if I have a grave somewhere, I want it to say Cheese and extra garlic.
And thats not even a good joke but itsajoke.
And maybe itll make somebody smile.
Then I guess my plans after that are just to haunt the fuck out of everybody.
