The Great Pillow War of 2012 gets the Ken Burns treatment.
A Dreamatorium divided against itself cannot stand.
Can you hear the drums, Inspector?
Credit: Tyler Golden/NBC
I remember long ago another campus fight like this.
But no more paintballs, Inspector.
You were humming Daybreak, and softly strumming your guitar.
I could hear the distant drums,
And Real Neil broadcasting from afar.
They were closer now, Inspector.
Every hour, every minute since the All Tomato.
I was so afraid, Inspector.
We were snug and very plush and none of us prepared to die.
And Im not ashamed to say
The hush of down and feathers almost made me cry.
There were feathers in the air that night,
Brittas flash was bright, Inspector.
She was shooting there for you and me,
Not artistry, Inspector.
Though we never thought wed lose Guinness,
Theres no record.
If I had to do the same again,
I would, my friend, Inspector.
It was a fitting style to convey the magnitude (Pop!
That was exactly the cause of our strife: a refusal to compromise.
Oh, Ayn Rand, what hath thou wrought?
NEXT: Troy and Abed create their own sister publication to EW, then turn to bloodshed.
Thats how hard magazine publishing is.
Troy and Abed were once so close they graced the cover ofFriends Weekly, an unofficial offshoot of EW.
Guess who won Friendship of the Year!
Basically, Abed said, records are dumb.
Troy saidthatwas lame and that thinking records are dumb is stupid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXvuUp-KY5g
NEXT: The Dramatis Personae of the Great Pillow War of 2012.
But at 12:07 a.m. all hell broke loose.
You hit someone, and if they went down youd stop hitting them.
Call that…common courtesy.
But then what if they get up?
Maybe keep hitting them until they learn to stay down?
We call thatcommon sense.
The lines were drawn.
And everyones roles were assigned.
(Websters Dictionary take note: Ferris Buellerian needs to be added to your next edition.)
Jeff would label the accusation that he was pandering to both sidesA slanderous betrayal akin to 9/11.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSprdaGol34
NEXT: We ponder the nature of both war andRambomovie titles.
ShirleyAs the narrator said, this mother proved herself as adept at kicking asses as wiping them.
The last of which, of course, hadneverhappened before.
He chose to redeem himself with Abed by pitching the schematics for a doomsday weapon.
All he needed were pillows to build an unstoppably plush juggernaut capable of unleashing untold carnage.
This is getting too intense, so we need to break for a moment to recite a poem.
Pillows, but no sleep.
Feathers, but no birds.
I saw Mommy kissing Exxon/Mobil.
I dont get it either.Someones been driven Linsane, it seems!
AbedTactical mastermind feared by all.
Am I the only one who loves Donald Glovers all caps voice?
Abed decided the time was right to unleash his superweapon: the Pillow Man.
Pierce covered his entire body with pillows, looking like a Klansman-endorsed version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
He had become more pillow now than man, twisted and evil.
And he unleashed his high thread-count terror on the Changlourious Basterds.
NEXT: I realize that I would not only watch but live-blogSki, Shoot, Sing.
Anddamnif they didnt enjoy it.
But wait…that solves their problem!
They enjoy being together so much that theyll be together even when hitting each other for hours.
Its that vaguely masochistic co-dependence that proves they need to still be friends.
That, and a couple of magical friendship hats that Jeff had to retrieve from the Deans office.
Could Troy have put that imaginary hat on with more childlike glee?
And so just like that, order was restored to the universewhich is to say Greendale.
But that wasnt the end of this yarn.
No, no, no.
And just like the Glee Clubs proximity to regionals, Greendale Campus Television is this close!
What think you, prospective Greendale students?
Was this a new pinnacle in the annals ofCommunitys excellence?
you could discuss among yourselves.
Like Troy, Id much rather be off taking a warm bath with my wife right now.
Just need to find a wife first.
Today is my birthday, though, so anything can happen, I guess.
