Han is alive?!
John Cena is Dom’s brother?!
Charlize Theron has a haircut?!
Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster in ‘F9.'.Giles Keyte/Universal
“WTF?!?!
Holy s—!
WTF again?!?!
Giles Keyte/Universal
That was an almost exact transcription of my live reaction the first time I saw theFast & Furious 9trailer.
But how could I not be losing my mind?John Cena is playing Dom’s brother?!
And his name is Jakob with a k?!
Giles Keyte/Universal
And Han (Sung Kang) returning from the dead for some justice?!
And yet, here we are on May 22 and we’re left with no answers.
It was the right move, but still a bummer.
So, I did what any reasonable person would do.
I watched all of the films again and wrote aboutwhetherFast & Furiousor Tom Cruise would go to space first.
Im a father now.”
This is how Dom (Vin Diesel) opens the trailer.
But is it really possible for him to not live a quarter mile at a time anymore?
Regardless, can’t he just do it still but drive slower?
So, what’s coming?
3.Could it be Hobbs?
4.Probably not, since supposedly neitherDwayne JohnsonorJason Stathamare inFast 9, but will they at least get a mention?
6.Will Shaw be mad that his mom is hanging out with Dom?
8.Speaking of family, afterJordana Brewstersat outFast 8, how does Mia come back into the mix?
10.How would I feel about that?
Let’s actually all go pause and watch and have a good cry.
11.Okay, we’re back.
And if Brian isn’t back, then how will Mia’s presence without him be explained?
I think thats pathetic and its lack of creativity."
So will we finally get some much-needed development in the Letty and Mia relationship?
14.Speaking of the Torettos, what’s the deal with John Cena?
He’s legit Dom’s blood brother?
15.Who the hell are these parents?
17.Why the k in Jakob?
18.John Cena has proven capable of many things (how delightful was he inBlockers?!
19.Does Cena have it in his contract thathe cant lose a fight?
20.Speaking of fights, how does Dom survive a beatdown from like 30 dudes in the trailer?
And did they learn her last name?
And how is Ramsey not her last name?
23.Can we think up a different title than justF9orFast 9?
We need to be more inventive.
24.Is this the newIndiana Jones?
It feels like we’ve officially turned this intoIndiana JonesmeetsAvengersmeetsTwins.
25.How the hell does Dom complete an island jump over water with no bridge?
Is Justin Lin the greatest action director of all-time?
27.How many times will I scream holy s—" during the movie?
28.Will it feel weird if Corona is still the official drink ofFast & Furious?
30.Considering how much time he’s had to just snack, how is Han still in such good shape?
31.The trailer tells us “Justice is coming” for Han, but what does that look like?
32.And what aboutGisele(Gal Gadot)?
Can we bring her back from the dead too?
33.Speaking of Han’s people, is Sean (37-year-old Lucas Black) still somehow in high school?
34.And why did theyput him in the trailer for 0.1 seconds?
35.Also,IS BOW WOW IN THIS MOVIE?!
37.Is it April 2, 2021 yet?
