So lets just dive in and see if we can keep up, shall we?
The SEALs were coming from a mysterious mission that apparently went sour.
One of their guys was bleeding profusely; the rest of the SEALs looked like their feelings got hurt.
And what a crew!
We quickly met the gang onboard and got up to speed on some simmering subplots.
(Hint: Most philosophers go crazy.)
Hes joined by his devoted second-in-command, a straight-edge Riker named Sam Kendal.
They cross the equator and pump some Ritchie Valens out of the speakers and dance around wearing sunglasses.
Theyre all such good friends here on the Submarine of Love!
Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Things start going wrong.
(Emergencies as in: Washington D.C. is no longer a place on the map.)
Chaplin and Kendal get their nuclear keys ready…and then pause.
Why the Antarctic internet?
Theyd only use it if DC command was gone, or was rendered inoperable.
Chief Prosser asks them why theyre waiting: They have an official order to launch.
Chaplin pulls his nuclear key out and asks to see whats broadcasting out of America.
One of the guys on the bridge turns on the TV and discovers thatHannah Montanais on TV.
Presumably, when the apocalypse comes, the Disney Channel will not be playingHannah Montana.
(At the very least, theyd be playing the post-apocalyptic political thrillerCory in the House.)
That makes Kendal the new Captain and Shepard his new XO.
Their nuclear keys hover, ready to fire.
Then Kendal demands that the order come through on the proper channels.
The Deputy Secretary of Defense Henceforth DepSecDef hangs up.
At this point, the Navy SEALs come in.
Time for a Commercial Break!
In the process, the Bald SEAL Commander takes a chunk of imploding submarine right in the skull.
TheColoradorecovers from the initial impact, but its bad.
There are casualties, for one thing.
Meanwhile, Captain Chaplin lurks in his quarters, looking at maps and listening to Mozart.
Julian drops off a birthday present for Sophie.
Julian seems like a nice guy, in that Joe-Pesci-in-Goodfellasway.
Down on theColorado, the crew debates their next move.
Kendal makes the rebellion complete by declaring that Chaplin will be reinstated as Chaplin.
A mouthy lieutenant mouths off and is relieved of duty.
Chaplin tells Shepard to plot a course: I think I found our oasis.
Back in D.C., Graces father Admiral Shepard is called in for an emergency meeting.
Rumors are circulating around DC that Pakistan fired on theColorado.
Kylie the Weapons Lobbyist tells Admiral Shepard that she knows the truth: Americans are firing on Americans.
You son of a bitch.
You sank your owndaughters boat!
Admiral Shepard clearly has no idea what shes talking about.
But the news about Pakistans attack circulates quickly.
While Sophie and her NATO ally watch in horror, the U.S. launches two nuclear missiles straight at Pakistan.
Chaplin and Kendal scamper into the NATO station.
Sophie complains: This station belongs to NATO!
Mid-conversation, a pair of shady-looking military dudes walk into the Admirals office and hang up the phone.
Enough with global geo-politics: Lets have ourselves a drink!
Julian ambles away, defeated but not broken.
Kendal calls his angelic blonde wife and begs her to understand that he hasnt done anything wrong.
Their call is cut off, however, when the lights all go out in the NATO station.
Kendal goes downstairs, only to discover a pair of mutineers have phoned central command.
You just dont know it yet.
At which point Shepard shoots him.
The crew flees back to theColorado.
A couple of seamen are missing, and Chaplin announces that they arent leaving without the crew.
Instead, Chaplin tells the weapons crew: Spin up Missile One.
Third time is the charm: Chaplin and Kendal pull the trigger.
Chaplin is told to initiate missile-destruct, by order of the President.
The bombers dont turn.
Chaplin gives a final eulogizing speech to his crew.
An attack is imminent.
We wont survive it.Theres no one else Id rather be with right now.
Chaplin tells Kendal: Guess that desk job will have to wait.
Kendal: I wasnt built for desks, anyways.
They smile at each other.
They give each other a thumbs up.
Theyre such good friends!
They prepare to destroy the missile…and at that point, the bombers turn back.
Kendal prepares to destroy the missile.
And heres where the plotreallythickens.
Chaplin pulls out his nuclear key and announces that he has no intention of initiating the missile destruct sequence.
If they dont think well back up our threats, well be dead in a week.
Kendal begs him to destroy the missile, but Chaplin refuses.
The missile sails over DC and detonates a couple hundred miles off the coastline.
The explosion is visible all along the Eastern Seaboard.
-Shepard looks at the man she killed.
The mutinous Chief Prosser calls her a little bitch.
She corrects him: Its you little bitch,Lieutenant.
Chief Prosser is taken away in handcuffs.
-Grace overhears the injured SEAl saying, We killed the wrong people.
-Kylie the Weapons Lobbyist packs a suitcase and prepares to go…somewhere.
Suddenly, shes joined by Admiral Shepard.
-James watches the Pakistan conflict break out on the bars television.
Having drank enough local alcohol to slay a rhino, he starts crying: That wasmyfault.
I made that happen!
The mute bartender hugs him as he cries.
Its fair to say that hes won major Sensitive Guy points.
-Chaplin concludes his speech with this happy line: Test us, and we will all burn together.
Chaplin, Kendal, and Shepard all take a moment up on the roof of NATO.
We made it all a mess.
Then, the kicker: Wecould do better.
Kendal is confused: Didnt we just do this to get home?
Chaplin offers a thoughtful rejoinder: Maybethisis home now.
Some of them barely spoke.
And some of them were dead before the first episode was even finished.
XO Sam Kendal,Chaplins protege.
Savvy enough to make a reference to the movieBonnie & Clyde.
Not an unattractive guy.
Lieutenant Grace Shepard,third-in-command.
She is woman: Hear her roar.
Navy SEAL James King,great at negotiating.
Appears to believe that he caused war to break out.
May have a heart of gold.
Sophie Girard, NATO scientist.
Is a French person, from France.
Julian Serrat, the self-described man in charge of the Island.
Appears to hold a dim view of American unilateralism.
Julians men, henceforth known as Dopey, Grumpy, and Big Fella.
That Bartender Who Was InDollhouse, actual name Tani Tumrenjack according to press materials.
Almost certainly has a shady past, given that she was inDollhouse.
Kylie Sinclair, hotshot young weapons lobbyist.
Somehow knows about the attack on theColoradobefore most of the government.
Robert, Kylies paramour, doomed forever tocoitus interruptus.
Christine Kendal, angelic blonde wife of Sam.
Has been taking business classes, but does she have the guts to start a real business?
The Kendal Family Dog, gives good reaction shot.
Perspective on the philosophy of Mutually Assured Destruction currently unknown.
Seaman Cortez, totally badass and unofficial Jenette Goldstein of theColorado.
Winds up captured by local islanders.
Seaman Brannan, hip-hop theorist.
Seaman Jones, disagrees with Seaman Brannans theories about hip-hop.
Sonar Operator Cameron Pitts, just trying to operate the sonar, man.
Lieutenant Cahill, relieved of duty.
Im saying he has good luck with serialized action-adventure series premieres, is all.
Jeffrey Chaplin, son of Marcus.
Fighting in a country with a desert.
The Injured Navy SEAL, has a bad tendency to ramble.
The Other Mutineer, maybe not important but survives the first episode.
The Shady Government Agent, suggests Rosa Klebb crossed with Nurse Ratched.
Special Guest Star: Uncle Mushroom Cloud, probably not the last time well see him this season.
Seaman Karofsky,really just not a likable fellow.
Presumably Quite A Few Citizens of Pakistan, shown here swallowed by the Evil Red Dot of Doom.
