To be fair, Nicks new girlfriend Julia wasnt hating on cupcakes specifically but desserts generally.
I still havent decided if thats worse or better than singling out cupcakes.
Two many girls in theNew Girlbathroom is one too many according to Schmidts damp towel.
Credit: Patrick Wymore/Fox
Lets start at the beginning.
Schmidt was less pleased.
Apparently we girls are born with some sort of humidity-emitting enzyme that throws off Schmidts towel game.
Schmidt wasnt the only one weathering a chilly reception from Julia.
None of these circumstances evenexistin Julias world.
You could practically see her eyes twitching from the strain of not rolling them.
At least thats how Julia saw it as an affectation.
Nick argued that Julia was straightforward and explained this is why she doesnt have many girl friends.
(Oh, Nick, evenChris Harrison knows thats a red flag.)
Of course that only made things worse for everyone involved.
Tensions were high that night as Julia dropped by the bar to say hi to Nick.
From a safe distance, Jess took every opportunity to toss out cutting-but-still-cute jabs at her nemesis.
Heat that those two cant even see for themselves, mind you.
By the end of the night, basically everyone in the bar ended up crying.
I think wed all be a little snappish at that point.
Still, the explosion of I am who I am, and what I am is adorkable!
reachedElmo-levels of awesomeness and was the first time weve seen Jess stand up for herself since Spencer.
Julia arrived at the apartment to apologize, and they knitted it out, bitch.
Nick arrived home (with a genuinely tiny hat waiting for him!
Schmidts towel was still mysteriously damp.
Mysteriously for about five seconds before Nick told Schmidt that, in fact, Schmidt was using Nicks towel.
At least not by Nick.
He announced with zero shame that washing a towel was idiocy because the towel washes me!
He asked incredulously, What am I going to do next?
Wash a bar of soap?
Schmidt: I am furious right now.
(If Schmidt had written that sentence, he would have ended it with …a sex itch!)
NEXT: Body chut-i-ney and ribbon hats
Notable dotables:
Schmidt:Ugh!
Its like a really big Wet-Nap.
I feel like Im being licked by a golden retriever.
There should not be two girls in this bathroom.
Youre too humid, you make everything damp.
Jess:Eighty percent of the products in here are yours.
Schmidt:Blah, blah, blah, yawn.
Yes, I use sculpting chut-i-ney.
Jess:Can you help me?
Julia:I can try.
You never know, a judge might buy into this whole thing?
Jess:What whole thing?
I mean, the big, beautiful eyes like a scared baby.
Im sure that gets you out of all kinds of stuff.
Except my peripheral visions like almosttoogood.
Julia:So living here must be fun.
Are there, like, lots of girls coming out of this place?
Jess:Schmidts like Ellis Island in the 1800s he accepts everyone.
Sadie:I think I know what she meant.
I mean, you do like girly stuff.
It kind of freaked me out at first.
When I met you, youwerewearing a hat made of ribbons.
Jess:My ribbon hat!
I love that hat!
Nick:What did Julia do wrong?
Jess:Its just how girls fight sometimes.
Theres a lot unsaid.
Like, one time a girl said to me, Jess, you rock a lot of polka dots.
Sadie:How did she say it?
Jess:And it ruined our friendship.
I couldnt get over the Polka Dot Incident.
Schmidt[interrupts the conversation]: Warning!
Somebody unplugged my dehumidifier to plug in their flat iron.
I will be putting my dehumidifier and my towel in my room where nothingevergets wet.
Everyone[in their heads]: No comment.
Nick:Im not good at being a boyfriend.
Jess:All right.
Nick:Youre dating other people?
Im seeing other people, too.
Julia:Good, good.
Nick:Im having sex all the time.
Im like a mailman, except instead of mail, its hot sex that I deliver.
Nick:Well Im having sex right now.
And shes on top.
So figure that out!
Julia:I see what youre doing.
I know that Im the mean lawyer girl who wears suits and works too much.
Jess:What is it with you and the blankie thing?
I never said the wordblankie!
I dont talk like Teddy Ruxpin!
Julia:If I acted like you act when Im at work, nobody would listen to me.
I have something to say to you, man!
I brake for birds.
I rock a lot of polka dots.
Ihavetouched glitter in the last 24 hours.
Thats just weird, and it freaks me out!
Im sorry I dont talk like Murphy Brown.
And that doesnt mean Im not smart and tough and strong!
Schmidt:Hey, anyone?
Can someone like get my towel?
Its in my room next to my Irish walking cape.
Donottouch the smaller one!
Okay, I left my towel in my room, nobody look.
Nobody look, yo, nobody look!
Seriously, no ones looking?
All right, forget it… [Slips, takes a pratfall, and flashes the girls.]
Sadie:See, hes a natural blond!
CeCe:What shape is that supposed to be shaved into?
Jess:I think hes trying to force perspective.
Schmidt:Ha ha, very funny.
I gotta get something off my chest [drops towel as girls groan].
CeCe:Schmidt, there is an apron right over there, go cover yourself!
Sadie:Youre making me gayer!
Definitely with her friends and probably with her!
Are there women here?
Yeah, sure, more than ever.
But you [points at Jess], not gonna happen.
You [points at CeCe], I willnevergive up!
And you [points at Sadie], well you sample from the gumbo pot.
I am a damp bathroom full of naked women every day, andI hate it!
Its like a nightmare.
Im in a watermelon-themed apron with a [reaches into the pocket and pulls out] a tampon?
Why would you need this for cooking?
Sadie:What is OSI?
Schmidt:Our Shared Interest.
What did you think,Newbies?
Did you like seeing Jess turn sassy and actually stand up for herself?
Did JuliasRooney Mara-esque aloofness rub you the wrong way?
What do you hope to see from Julia in her upcoming episodes?
