And relatedly, Cerie from30 Rockguest starred!
Fat Schmidt returned (and did chubby foreplay to the tune of Lets Get It Started)!
Zooey looked really weird without bangs!
Credit: Isablella Vosmikova/Fox
We got a second glimpse of the zero-gravity tea room o seduction!Diane Keatonfeatured prominently!
Up was the new down, man!
Apropos of those last few bits, this really was Winstons episode.
Or just a few days, maybe?
Since Cece and Schmidt were still having the secret sex, Winston was still freaking out.
Cece got Jess to leave by enlisting her roommate to feign remorse at eating a single cookie.
I learned that as a kid playing Who passed out with my mom.
My mom always won!).
After Jess was gone, Ceces indelicate Russian roommate yelled, Jew in the couch!
Jew person in the couch!
Schmidt: Shes not wrong.
It wouldnt be long until it came out though.
Winston could go only a few days before cracking and blabbering to Nick that he had a secret.
Nicks face at finding out the horrific truth wasa-mah-zing.
It was like he had been simultaneously stabbed in the heart and overtaken by a violent bout of diarrhea.
He actually wrapped his arms around himself like a child in the fetal position.
From there, the big reveal happened in rapid fire.
She confronted him in French: Jaccuse, Miller!Jaccuse.
He sputtered the truth just as Schmidt arrived.
Schmidty really did it this time.
I mean, Im having Indian every night!
At which point Jess rushed him into the hall, screaming like a maniac.
But also because Winston held out on her for days.
Schmidt, of course, took this opportunity to feign trauma and lean on Ceces chest for comfort.
As Schmidt pointed out, though, leaving the ringer onwasan amateur move.
This might have been the most upsetting thing ever seen on this show.
And from the man he loves!
Nick realized he was in over his head and turned to, of all people, Schmidt.
Schmidt: Sex, man.
Its the real stuff!
Indeed, Schmidt had come a long way.
And, well… she was.
Jess was all, Schmidt?
Nick piled on, telling Jess her get-up was actually kind of a fantasy of his.
That sounded eerily like a line fromMisery, no?
because the sorority psycho came by to find the infinity scarf she had left behind.
Their tension opened the floodgates between Cece and Jess.
Who wasnt enjoying the girly brawl?
To key in it out in full would simply strip it of its glory.
Watch it as soon as it’s possible for you to (April 11 onFox.comandHulu!).
To Nick: Youre sweating so much it looks like rain.
To Schmidt: Youre at the prime of your life, thats actually pretty… [claps].
At Cece: Get rid of the motorcycle!
I dont work 9-5 all day, I can hear you!
To them all: Now go away.
Long story short, the girls turned up for their 10k.
Some coed roommates, who were also running the 10k, realized theyd both hooked up with Nick.
Schmidt: That was so good, my pants just got tight, Nick.
Im sorry, I cant hear you.
Diane Keatons talking about her rich life full of loyal friends!
Why Cece is sleeping with Schmidt, by Winston
Are you trying to get back at your parents?
Is it a pity thing?
Are you working for the government?
Are you tired of being turned on?
Do you have a mole fetish?
Im sorry, let me rephrase that: Is it huge?
Jess:When did it start?
Schmidt:Three A-M, February 15th.
Cece:Two months ago.
Jess:Two months?
Two moons have passed since you started doing it?
Winston:Why do you start talking like a Native American when you get angry?
Jess:Two moons have passed!
Nick:We have to face the reality of the situation.
Schmidt has been having consensual sex with Cece and lying about it.
Hes better than us at this, Winston, and I hate it as much as you do!
And Schmidt I hate saying this, but I might…
I might respect you.
Youve come a long way.
Schmidt:Thank you for saying that.
Cece because shes Indian.
Schmidt:Lets practice.
Pretend Im one of these young girls that coming in here.
I want to party.
Im in college, lets do this.
[Adopts girly voice] Hey, what happened to your phone?
Nick:Jesus took it.
A Jesus hawk on a speedboat!
[Drops head] I need your help, Schmidt.
Schmidt, a couple months ago, I found Nick using your chenille throw as a napkin.
Schmidt:That is a microfiber blend from Pakistan, you heathen!
Nick:Stop quoting the catalog like a weirdo.
Jess:This is healthy.
All right, one more Schmidt said that Winston is in danger of becoming a nanny for life.
He said you were going full Poppins.
Jesss deepest, quirkiest secrets
Thats what second base means?
Then Im not a virgin anymore!
Is it weird that he wants me to talk in a deep voice and call myself Kevin?
I had a dream that I killed you.
Schmidt:Oh, Cece.
That sports bra is doing Gods work right now!
What did you think,Newbies?
Now that its out in the open that Cece likes Schmidt, are they doomed?
Has that shark officially been jumped?
Was this Winstons best episode ever or what?
And were you shocked by Nicks sudden suavity?
Just a few episodes left.
What do you want to see in the final stretch?
