How many times can you say a shows back before those words are rendered meaningless?
I strapped on my rose-colored glasses at least three times last season, but my optimism ultimately proved futile.
This is the last wedding of summer, which means its the last chance.
Credit: Ray Mickshaw/FOX
Nobody meets anybody in fall or winter.
What, are you gonna gamble on the unknown contents of a bulky sweater?
Do you know how important this is?!Winter.
Motto:How do I look?
Good Jewish or bad Jewish?
(Nick: Oh, that feel like thats a trap.)
Target:A bridesmaid who looks like the girl from a commercial playing tennis with a tampon.
Motto:Aim for the middle.
The rides rough at first, but the body adjusts.
Alternate motto:When did one-on-one sex become old-fashioned?
Americas gotta take a hard look in the mirror at herselfwe used tomakethings.
I thought they were just really shiny dress shoes [starts clackin away].
; hands feel like hooves.
and by Schmidt, Do you think that two men can engage in group sex without compromising their friendship?
Cue the salt-and-pepper visual metaphor.)
Track record:Undisclosed
Motto:Be there.
No matter where he goes, be there.
If he gets a drink, be there.
If he talks to his friends, be there.
At the end of the night, be there.
Its called the Joe Biden.
Target:I am so sore; I cant have sex tonight.
The only thing I want in my mouth is Mr. and Mrs. Ibuprofenminus the Mister.
Obstacle:Sidelined by intense police academy-induced physical pain (I cant close my ass!).
7an un-neutered dog chased after me.
Target:No-bra stuff with cornball cutie Best Man Ted (Veeps Reid Scott).
Target:Anyone to whom he hasnt already shown said action-figure body.
Target:See Track record.
Schmidt-iest lines:
God I hate knitting.
You wont even know its me.
Look, at this point its all skin and shapes.
Its the fog of war.
Youre just the handsome prince, covered in salty sea spray.
Upon learning that Nick will participate in the four-way:Yes!
Okay, Im gonna go book the room.
You go to housekeeping [and] have them give you as many shower caps as theyll give you.
This is gonna be big for us, my man.
[Shakes Nicks handand gets a disgusted look on his face] Whats that on your hand?
Its like a hoof [pronounced whove]Im out!
Final score (or lack thereof):No hook-ups, BUT!
Werenotgoing home alone, Jess affirmed.
And home they all wenttogether, just like they have in so many of their best moments.
13 in a few weeks time.
Is it a wiping-clean of the slate?
