Make some noiiiiise!!!
He commands the entire audience to get on their feet and clap.
Then to wave their arms from side to side.
Then to wave their arms three times and then clap.
Then to punch their arms in the air.
Then to punch once, and clap three times.
Next, he asks for a gentleman from the audience to join him on stage.
whilst pointing at said booty.
He then tells the audience to yell, Shake that booty!
Finally, he directs the gentleman to take it low.
Except the booty shake.
The gentleman is sent back to his seat, and a lady is requested from the audience.
He first has the lady simply stepside to side for a few bars of music.
(As previously established, Corey demonstrates said booty/bosom jiggles himself.)
Then he has everyone squeak, Ooo ooo!
twice, and then scream, Parrrrtay!
twice, and then just scream.
Everyone obliges every request happily, even eagerly.
(End generic hip-hop music)
Welcome toAmerican Idol, the number one show in!
Corey holds his mic to the air, and about half the audience yells back World!
How many of you watched the show last night?!
How many of you voted last night?!
We cheer less loudly.
Oh, come on, its Hollywood, you’re free to lie.
How many of you voted last night?!
We cheer like crazy people.
Whos your favorite Idol?
We scream out our favorite Idols.
Aw, nobody said my name.
But thats cause you dont know me.
People say Hi, Corey!
Okay, on the count of three, I want everyone to scream out their name, okay?
One, two, three!
About 75 percent of us scream out our names.
(Side note: Pink originally recorded this performance forIdol Gives Back, but got cut for time.)
Maybe its cause Im skinny?
Yes, thats one of the goofuses.
And were not through with them yet.)
Son!Everyone make some noise for Raaannnndyyyyyy J-J-J-Jaaaaacksoooonnnn!
We make lots of noise.
Randy enters, races down the aisle parallel to the stage, high-fiving as he goes.
The Idols are brought in.
Soon Paula follows suit Everyone say Paulllla!
‘Paullllla!…you get the idea and then Ryan, and then Simon.
Twice is kinda cute.
But after that, the wow factors pretty much kaput.
(They never do; I always lose the bet.)
Okay, enough; on with the show.
And yet,theres Simon, giving the Thing the full-on arms-around-both-shouldersaction.
We hop into the first ad break, and Simon breaks for the door.
I noticethe Idols have been seated in the order of their general level ofanxiety.
Randy appreciatesit, sure, but no dice with the John Hancock.
And back into yet another video, this one hyping theIdolTour.
asks Mindy, pointing up.
Or more like this?queries Jordin, pushing her pointed finger up in the air.
No, no, morelike this, corrects Blake, flicking his index finger up.
(At least,thats how it goes down in my head.)
Speaking of forgetting your lyrics, its time for the group number!
So now we know whyIdolslipped on its leisure suit so late in the game.)
Anyhoo, were at another ad break!
When Corey asked them their names, one said Jake, the next Ryan, and the last Shanequa.
Tobe fair, a straight male colleague missed it too.
Cause it makes for great TV, right?
),and, now, ladies and gentlemen, Barry Gibb…s nipples!
Back from the break, Mindys safe and soon in a clutch with Jordinwaiting for the final verdict.
Ryan gives Kiki the bad news.
Debbie races over to fix it.
(Thats the phantom head you saw behind Kiki as she watched her journeyunfold.)
and were out for the night.
TheOriginal Dawg Pound poster folks go home signature-less, but happy.
Do you want ourautograph?
We had, and, well, we didnt.
