The results were decidedly mixed.
Yes, people fall in love quickly in traditional bedtime stories.
Skin Deep didnt bother to explain that attraction.
Credit: ABC
But more on that later.
Nooo, not Anne!
The battle might have been won if a mysterious someone had lent a glitter-covered hand.
And right on cue, theres a knock at the door.
Maurice and Co. want Rump to protect the village from the wicked ogres who are destroying their land.
The imp says that hell do it for a price, of course.
And hes not talking about money, since he, uh, makes gold out of freakin straw.
(Yes,Lostfans, thats Emilie de Ravin, a.k.a.
No, shes not still looking for herbaiibee.)
Nevertheless, the deal has been struck.
Congratulations on your littlewar, Rumpel says gleefully, leading his new prize away.
Back in Storybrooke, Mr.
He also happens to be the Storybrooke equivalent of Maurice.
French protests, but Golds not moved.
NEXT: Bonjour, Chip!
Theyre soon joined by Emma and Ashley (StorybrookesCinderella; remember her?).
Luckily, Ruby has the antidote to Ashleys malaise: aGalentinesevening on the town.
Gold limps into his multicolored manse and finds that hes been robbed.
Funny how that keeps happening to you, Sheriff Emma snarks after emerging from another room.
Well, Im a difficult man to love, he says by way of explanation.
You will dust my collection and launder my clothing.
You will fetch me fresh straw when Im spinning at the wheel.
Oh, and you will skin the children I hunt for their pelts.
At that, a startled Belle drops the teacup she had been carrying.
That one was a quip, Rump says drily.
Belle picks up the vessel, which is now marred with a smallchip.
Aww, does it have to sleep in the cupboard?
Later, Belle stands on a ladder, trying to tug open an enormous curtain.
(Alas, its not covering a giantbookshelf.)
She asks Rumpelstiltskin why he spins so much gold, and he replies that he does it to forget.
I guess it worked, her captor says without missing a beat, then laughs his weird goaty laugh.
But Belle must be into barnyard creatures, because she giggles in response.
She thanks him; he looks at her, pleasantly shocked.
It seems theres something there that wasnt there before!
Emma has recovered the things stolen from Golds place, though she hasnt found the thief himself.
As the shopkeeper suspected, the robbery was the work of Mr. French the florist.
Gold, however, is not content theres still something important missing from the recovered cache.
The sheriff protests that shell get the item when she finds French.
Not if I find him first, says Gold menacingly.
NEXT: My, what a guy, that Gaston!
Rumpel, uncharacteristically frank, tells her that it belonged to his son but the boy is lost now.
Their bonding moment is interrupted by a knock at the door.
Its Sir Gaston, Belles betrothed!
Rumpel transforms his rival into a gorgeous red rose, which he immediately gifts to Belle.
After she opens her heart, Rumpel makes another deal with Belle.
Well, they say if you love something, let it go right?
Hey, Storybrooke apparently has two bars!
Maybe in this version of the story, Redisthe Big Bad Wolf.
As the gals party, Davids buying a pair of cards at Mr. Clarks general store.
Gold is there too, picking up some ropes and duct tape.
You know, normal, average things for a regular dude to be purchasing on Valentines Day.
Yikes, when didOncebecomeDexter?
And we all know what can cure a curse: True Loves Kiss.
Oh, so all Emma has to do is make out with everyone in Storybrooke!
A somber Rumpel stands in his tower, clearly watching to see if Belles coming back.
When he finally spots her, he rushes downstairs to sit at his spinning wheel and fake nonchalance.
But after Belle prods, he admits hes not unhappy that shes returned.
Belle tells him she wasnt going to come back, but something changed her mind.
And then she kisses him.
NEXT:Oncetakes a turn for the terrifying
The change, alas, is short lived.
Rumpel quickly realizes that Regina told Belle to kiss him.
He cycles through a variety of paranoid thoughts: The queens trying to sap him of his power!
Belles just trying to be a hero by killing the beast!
She doesnt care for him nobody could!
He roars in anger, then throws the girl into the dungeon again.
Probably because he knows how adorable itll be once it learns to sing and dance.
Gold, too, is in full-blown rage mode.
When Moe doesnt comply, Gold starts hitting him viciously with his walking stick.
Soon, its clear that this isnt really about whatever the florist pilfered.
Shes not coming back, and its your fault.
Hes carrying a dozen long-stemmed Gastons and an engagement ring.
Will you marry me?
He sweetly hands her a Valentines card; unfortunately, its the one he bought for Kathryn.
The star-crossed lovers go their separate ways that night.
As Emma hauls Gold to jail, his fairy tale counterpart approaches his own captive.
Rumpel tells Belle he doesnt want her anymore.
But Belle wont leave without giving the Dark One a piece of her mind.
Rumpel pretends to be unaffected by her words.
He tells Belle his power means more to him than she does.
Belle doesnt believe him.
NEXT: The human world is a mess.
Emma takes it, leaving Regina alone with her prisoner.
And hell get it back, as long as he answers a simple question: Whats your name?
Gold plays dumb at first.
Finally, Regina pulls out the object hes been searching for: atiny toy airplane.
It is, of course, Chip.
Now that everythings out in the open, Gold or should we just say Rumpel?
warns her that hes the one who has the real power.
We shall see, Regina sneers, twirling her mustache and flouncing off.
Their encounter is mirrored by our last Fairyback.
Queen Regina saunters into the Dark Castle, saying shed like to discuss a certain mermaid.
(Yes, Ill admit that made me squeal in antici…pation.)
But a dejected Dark One is in no mood to talk turkey.
Of course, Belles not really dead.
Breadcrumbs
The late Gaston was played by a guy named Sage Brockleback.
I bet every last inch of hims covered in hair.
Im really bummed that bibliovore Belle didnt make a single reference to her love of reading.
Its her defining personality trait, as well as the only reason shes every smart girls favorite Disney princess.
Mr. Frenchs flower business is called Game of Thorns.
On MMs suggestion, David is readingAnna Karenina.
Maybe she wants him to know what happens to adulterers?
My favorite thing Regina has ever said, after Id have gone gravy: Oh, child, no!
I would never suggest a young woman kiss a man who held her captive.
What kind of message is that?
Henry has exactly one line tonight: Hi, Emma.
Is this the least hes ever spoken in an episode ofOnce?
How did you like tonights ep?
