Maureen Lee Lenker here, filling in for regularRiverdalerecapper (say that three times fast) Sam Highfill.
And Im sorry to report that I hate Archies boxing obsession just as much as my esteemed EW colleague.
So, lets start with that asinine boxing plot no one asked for.
Credit: Dean Buscher/The CW
Its her turn to dispense wisdom which is in essence, STOP BOXING.
See Archie, even your mom asks this of you.
NO, ARCHIE, SAY IT AINT SO.
Archie forges his moms signature.
Mary wants Archie to consider boxing in college with a scholarship, rather than going pro.
And oh yeah, hes six pounds over his weight class and only has a week to lose it.
I know, I cant believe this show is real either.
Because oh yeah, its A REALLY STUPID IDEA.
Archie is still set on going pro, but she wants him to consider his future beyond being 17.
Later though, she relents and says she wants to support his dreams.
No, Mary, dont do it!
Lay down the law and make him quit!
Oh, and shes going to stay in Riverdale a little longer while Freds away (sob).
Meanwhile back at the former Cooper residence, Jughead and Jellybean are adjusting to life without Gladys.
There hes found a burned-out school bus, which apparently became the new home base of the Gargoyles.
and stashes it without showing his dad.
Which brings us to Betty, who is understandably freaking out about her dads accident.
FP insists no one survived.
There were five inmates and a driver, and thats the number of charred heads they found.
But Bettys not convinced.
Instead of an engagement ring, Edgar got her a tattoo.
Shes so worried that shes back to target practice at the shooting range.
Still, shes back on the girl detective track with her best crime-solving partner, Jughead.
Jughead tells her about the gospel and starts reading from it, compelled by its mystical descriptions.
Betty reminds him the Gargoyle King is flesh and blood, which means he too can die.
In short, she wont rest until this is done.
Just like the first guy a year ago.
Getting deep into the weeds, Betty spirals thinking Edgar must be the man with the tattoo.
The timing aligns with when the Farm first came to town.
Not to mention, her mom just got a tattoo.
Because getting tattoos is inherently suspicious even though Archie and Jughead both have them.
Jughead isnt convinced because Edgar wasnt in Riverdale during the time of the Midnight Club and Ascension Night.
Ive heard worse arguments.
Betty and Jughead waste no time going to confront Edgar while hes preaching to his followers.
She demands he take off his shirt.
See what I mean about all the shirtlessness?
And Edgar answers Bettys gargoyle thirst but there are no runic symbols on his back.
The centerpiece of the episode comes with the purest of high school rituals, the junior prom.
Cheryl pushes back, insisting she wants both.
She cant stand the idea of losing these visits with her dead brother, so she relents.
They will invoke a ritual from his gospel, crowning Betty the Gryphon (a.k.a.
Prom) Queen and draw him out.
Because apparently, in Riverdale, people go in themed costume to prom.
Im sorry, has anyone ever done this?
Betty fixes the prom queen vote and goes to dance with Jughead for a spell.
Veronica and Archie are also dancing when she drops a bomb of her own.
Together, theyll take down Hiram for good.
(Until Veronica decides shes still daddys girl yet again, lets be real).
So, Varchie is endgame once again, yes?
These two are never gonna stay just friends for long.
Meanwhile, Betty and Jugheads plan quickly goes off the rails.
She has to come alone and tell no one.
Betty refuses to drink from the goblets and returns to the hallway where she sees the Gargoyle King.
She approaches him and draws her gun, but someone tackles her and pulls the gun on her.
Its what no one asked for THE BLACK HOOD.
With a hook for a hand.
Because Hal totally just chopped off his own hand as part of an elaborate escape plan.
Am I the only one with serious Black Hood fatigue?
Like, really, one masked serial killer isnt enough for the season?
There are bodies strewn about the school, including one that looks suspiciously like Evelyn.
Suddenly though, the Black Hood is gone and Jughead is outside.
She falls out of the closet, sobbing, and tells him the grim truth.
That the gospel was all a set-up to get her alone with her dad again.
Its possible even that the Hood and the Gargoyle King are now working together.
Edgar urges Betty to stay at the Farm where theyll protect both her and Alice and she agrees.
What convinced you, Betty?
It was seeing Edgar without his shirt, wasnt it?
Though whether shell be drinking the Farm Koolaid, well just have to wait and see.
