The principal gets schooled on basic arithmetic.
Probst said this would be a top 5 season.
Was he on or off the mark?
Credit: Monty Brinton/CBS
Well see later in the column.
Simply too much crying and hugging for my taste.
Yes, I have a heart of stone, and yes, Im probably in the minority on this.
However, well get to that soon enough.
The episode began with Coach on a rampage.
Erinn and Taj need to be cut off at the knee-caps, he proclaimed.
This is the time for the Warrior Alliance.
Theres a reason why we have a name.
Uh, yeah, because you insisted on bestowing it upon yourself!
Me, I probably would have opted for CrazyMan-Alliance-of-One, but to each their own.
Speaking of moving on, Debbie was ready to move away from Coach.
But then she wentwaaaaaaayoverboard in doing so, tipping Stephen and J.T.
The more she tried, the bigger hole she dug for herself.
But lets take a time-out from Debbies self-destruction to head on over to theSurvivorauction.
Let me just emphasize that last part again: YOU MUST BID IN $20 INCREMENTS.
And awaaaaaaay we go.
First up: French fries!
Here goes Taj bidding $40.
Looks like Debbie is interested as well.
She bids…$50?
Okay, simple mistake.
She obviously just wasnt paying attention to Probsts directions.
To recap, Taj has bid $40.
What would you like your bid to be?
YOURE A SCHOOL PRINICIPAL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
Which part is tripping you up here figuring out whats divisible by 20 or the word increment?
Remind me to never enroll my kids in your school.
Then Probst brought out the first covered item.
Memo to all futureSurvivorcontestants: Always bid on the first covered item.
Its simple logic, really.
Oh, hey, Stephen!
Enjoy those chicken hearts.
Actually, it looks like you are kinda enjoying them.
Congratulations, Samsung Instinct by Sprint!
Or rather, wellpaid, I should say.
Actually the item up for bid was a videotaped message from home.
Contestants were allowed to pool money for this one, and everyone handed their cash over to Taj.
Then an odd series of events took place.
Did she keep it or return it to the other players?
Give all the cash to Debbie and see if she can count it.
Taj then watched her message from husband (and former college and NFL great) Eddie George.
She was so emotional about it that she missed his key line.
Theres one line in there kinda hard to hear, said Probst.
And then it dawned on her: SEE YOU BACK AT CAMP!
she yelled while trying to pull Probsts arm out of his socket.
Taj proceeded to pogo around like she was at a Ramones concert circa 1977.
However, as much as I liked it, I HATED what came next.
Probst said Taj had a choice to make.
Oh, this is perfect!
Only, it wasnt so brilliant.
Let me just say this decision by the producers was smothered in a big pool of weak sauce.
Instead, they blew it.
(To the side of what, exactly?
Looks like a whole lot of barren wasteland to me.)
Apparently, Eddie George is a fan of theSurvivordiet!
Look, I understand it for a minute or so, but it went onforever!
Cmon, guess what they call me in this game?
Because Im slaying all the dragons!
Im running this freakin show, let me tall you that right now.
I think Im going to be in that final two unless something crazy comes up.
You mean like, oh, I dont know…REALITY?!?!?!?
Honestly, I want to comment more on this quote, but I just dont know where to start.
First off, no one calls you the Dragon Slayer except yourself.
Secondly, you have slayed no dragons.
Thirdly, you are running nothing.
And fourth, Im positively certain you are on crack cocaine.
And who is that guy visiting you anyway, Coach?
Should we start callinghimCoach instead?
And, taking all of this into consideration, do you now kinda wish youd ordered the filet mignon?
Im happy with third.
Swear to God, I would hand it to J.T.
Its actually pretty smart if that is the case.
Might as well count out Debbie.)
How did he do it?
I have to say, that is pretty freakin brilliant.
Huge props to you, Stephen.
I now hereby forgive you for your idiotic decision to take J.T.
and Taj on reward with you last week.
After Stephen and J.T.
There were four priceless moments from this T.C.
and they all involve You Know Who (no, not Voldemort).
Coach dancing with the fire briefly as he put down his torch.
Coach saying of Debbie: She will never lie to me, no matter what.
I trust her implicitly.
She will not lie to me in this game.
And best of all (4.
But I wont really miss her either.
So lets move right on to whereSurvivor: Tocantinsranks (so far) in comparison to other seasons.
Will it crack the top five like Probst predicted?
NEXT: The rankings
1.
It will never be able to duplicate that sense of wonder and excitement…
2.
Survivor: Micronesia Fans Vs.
Favorites (Winner: Parvati Shallow)
…although this one came damn close.
Survivor: Amazon (Winner: Jenna Morasca)
Probably the most unpredictable season ever.
Some people hate on Morasca as a winner, but she won challenges and played a great social game.
Survivor: Pearl Islands (Winner: Sandra Diaz-Twine)
Rupert stealing shoes.
Fairplay getting drunk at Tribal Council.
Osten sucking at everything.
It was all delicious.
Loses points, though, for the awful Outcasts twist, which also led to a disappointing final two.
Survivor: Palau (Winner: Tom Westman)
I loved watching one tribe decimate the other.
And the challenges may have beenSurvivors best ever.
Remember back when everyone loved Stephenie?
My how things change.
Purple rock!!!
Survivor: Cook Islands (Winner: Yul Kwon)
What a difference a mutiny makes.
It was listless until that fateful moment when Candice and Penner stepped off the mat.
Then, we finally had underdogs to root for.
Survivor: Australia (Winner: Tina Wesson)
An overrated season.
Pretty predictable boot order as well.
Dude did burn his hands off, though.
Survivor: China (Winner: Todd Herzog)
Really good cast.
Survivor: Tocantins (Winner: ?
Okay, you may hate Coach.
But imagine for a second this season without him.
His unintentional comedy single-handedly lifts this into the top 10.
Seriously, other than Tyson getting blindsided, have there been any memorable moments thatdidntinvolve the Steven Seagal wannabe.
Terry was robbed on a final challenge that may or may not have been completely fair.
The fact that so many unworthy players went so far is simply too damning.
Survivor: Africa (Winner: Ethan Zohn)
Some great challenges.
Not that much else was great.
Survivor: Guatemala (Winner: Danni Boatwright)
One of the more unlikable casts so far.
Stephenies evil twin?)
Rafe was good for a few laughs, though.
Especially on rope obstacles.
Survivor: Fiji (Winner: Earl Cole)
The season that we shall never speak of again.
Feel free to tear it apart.
Well be back with a newSurvivor Talk.
with Debbie that should be up sometime Friday afternoon.
Until then, check out the latest exclusive deleted scene below.
And how come I cant stop talking aboutCelebrity Apprentice?
I have no idea!
Hit those message boards, people.
And Ill be back for the finale.
[Sorry, video not available]
