Last week I was chastised on the message boards for using the word hillbillies to describe Steve and Linda.
I could see how people might think I was a snobby, patronizing Northeasterner.
But I only used the term because Steve called himself a hillbilly.
Credit: Sonja Flemming/CBS
I figured if thats how he wants to introduce himself, I can sure call him that myself.
And I realize that the word doesnt apply to everyone with a southern accent.
I mean, I wouldnt call Matthew McConaughey a hillbilly?
I recognize that hillbillies very rarely run shirtless on the beach for the paparazzi.
What Im saying is: Do I have to worry about upsetting a Gypsy readership this week?
Im not even sure how many there are out there reading myAmazing RaceTV Watch.
Well, as I progress in this recap, Ill just have to hope for the best.
In the meantime, lets start at the beginning.
Sure, I guesssomepeople might remember her for that accomplishment.
Why not do a challenge based onthatto honor Comaneci?
Im sure you could get a cameo from Steven Baldwin.
Its like locking aBiggest Losercontestant in the Duncan Hines factory.
Is that some sort of local delicacy?
Judges might shave off valuable points for poor life choices.
Also, dont wear colored underwear.
We had an unfortunate education on the style of panties preferred by each female contestant.
This wasnt the most exciting of competitions.
Its one of those roadblocks that sound interesting in theory, but turn out not to be that challenging.
Its not like the Racers had to be very good at gymnastics.
They just had to get through the routines with the barest resemblance of physical coordination.
I mean, who cant pull off a somersault?
Oh yeah: Tammy.
This physical fitness will get you nowhere!
From here, the teams sped to Translyvania for a Detour.
And heres where things got all Gypsy.
The choice was between Vampire Remains, an obligatory Dracula challenge, and Gypsy Moves.
I dont want to seem gypsist, Im just making suggestions.
NEXT: Things get freaky in Gypsytown
I dont want to paint Gypsies with a stereotypical brush.
But judging from what I saw in that encampment, their interests seem limited to imitating a Fellini movie.
Well, that country came off like the Vatican compared to the way the Gypsies came off here.
Wait, I feel like I left out a Gypsy stereotype.
Oh, right: Theyre thieves!
Didnt you ever watchThe Riches, Kris?
Eventually he found it in some mans cart.
I wonder what the producers had to promise that guy to get the fannypack back.
And possibly Phil Keoghan.
I swear to you: I didnt want to mock the Gypsies.
Really, the last thing I need in this economy is a curse.
But the producers made it really hard not to.
So kindly, FREAKISHCACKLINGLADY4EVA, dont post an angry screed about my insensitivity.
If youre gonna blame somebody, blame Bertram Van Munster.
And what of the other Detour choice, Vampire Remains?
It was such a tragic case of stubborn confidence got wrong.
Wow, now theres a non-apology!
If you want to go back, well go back.
Wasnt that what shed been saying all throughout this death march?
Never before has this rejoinder been so warranted.
And thats the least of what she was owed.
She could have impaled him on those stakes along with her frames, and no jury would convict her.
And yet, nothing.
Mel and Mike finished first (take that, groin!
), and Tammy and Victor were saved from elimination only by Brad and Victorias monumental delay.
Im not upset, Im just glad were done, he said.
Is Victor an android?
If so, hes been programmed never to accept blame.
What would you have said if Victor was your brother?
Would you have tossed him off Mt.Transylvania?
And are you a Gypsy?
If so, what do you keep in your giant cart?
Im also wondering if someone tried to take his fanny pack.
