In Thailand, who is more vicious: the trainer-mauling tiger, or Jaime?
Seriously, what kind of circus act was that?
Phil said it was a typical Thai performance, but what happens next?
Credit: Sonja Flemming/CBS
So much to say about the Phuket Zoo, but Ill get back to it in a minute.
(Thats what they call a tease in the recap business.
Alas, the only person who did that was Kisha, who called it, Fikoot.
Unless they were overprotective of Tammy on Victors orders.
Man, that guy really does call the shots.
Lovable Mel and Mike left in second place.
Mel: Yeah, mai tai!
(Except for you, Dad Wolk, youre A-Okay!
Okay, I think my dads gone now.
Recap readers, lets meet out back by the EW.com dumpsters and Ill tell you some stories.)
After reminding us how impatient she is, she gave us an example: I dont like foreign languages!
Im so tired of listening to people talk sometimes.
I find Cara so endearing in that way that it makes Jaime more acceptable by association.
Jaime screeched, Do you know this monkey?
as if she was pointing to a picture of a kid on the side of a milk carton.
She seemed absolutely intent on alienating all of Thailand one person at a time.
But I wonder if its an unrelated injury.
Im suspicious of that elephant.
Nah, it must have been the tiger.
Ill never forget the sight of a toucan freaking Eric Nies.
Okay, so I made all that up: It was really a lemur and Downtown Julie Brown.
and Mel said, Ohno, as if hed just heard the ravings of a crazy person.
Finally they got enough of a consensus from the locals that they decided to try the zoo.
If its not at the zoo, then we gotta go somewhere else, said Mike.
Replied Mel, goonily, Lets stop for a Thai massage!
And then the fourteenth awkward silence of the day settled over the cab.
Jaime and Cara arrived first, and surprise!
Jaime was a mite impatient with the owner.
The guy was most frustrating because I dont think he spoke a lick of English, she said.
No, not that one,thatone!
No, the one under it!
And bravo to him if Im right.
The stunt brothers, now solidly in first place, opted for the rickshaw.
Mark took hold of the rickshaw first.
Some people like to warm up for a two-mile run with a little stretching, perhaps a motivational speech.
But Mark prefers to get in the mood with some olde tyme racism.
I feel velly fine!
he yelled, as he took off with the rickshaw.
This was either really uncomfortable, or just a horribly misunderstood shout-out to Scott BaiosHappy Daysyears.
They couldnt have played more into Phils hands.
The two brothers then had to ignominiously shuffle off to sit under a tree for an hour.
Dont those two know that nothing grows in the shade?
(What, they can say velly fine, and I cant say that joke?)
NEXT: Down goes Marge!
Tammy and Victor then took the brothers number one spot.
Victor had insisted on pulling the rickshaw the whole way, even as Tammy offered to take a turn.
In a voice-over, he said, I didnt want to take control in a chaotic situation.
My tendency is to take everything away from her and want to do it.
Wow, that makes no sense.
Cara and Jaime were behind them, with Jaime shouting for directions at every passerby.
Oh, Marge, dont you know that thats what tossed bricks are for?
Instead, she took over the rickshaw, and nearly killed herself in the process.
At the mat, Phil really stretched out his news that they were still in the race.
And just after he declared, The bionic woman has done it!
(Perhaps this was karmic payback to him after he negated the Tweedles bragging about their own strength).
(Im assuming it was hers and not Phils.)
Is Phil a hostanda healer.
Do all CBS reality hosts have an honorary MD?
Since they neglected to multitask, Mel and Mike caught up to them.
Alas, they couldnt overtake Jen and Kisha, and were eliminated.
After all, they got to experience something that most people never get to: elephant frottage.
Were you sad to see Mel and Mike go?
Or do you think it would have been weird if a Hollywood screenwriter took home the million?
And what do you think of Jaime and Cara?
Am I alone in finding them weirdly entertaining?
