In Beijing, washing down nasty delicacies (fried starfish!)
with far too much water gives Jen a dilemma: a million bucks or a bathroom?
Damn you, H20!
Credit: Sonja Flemming/CBS
You have foiled Jen, not once, but twice in a row!
Last week, your liquid trickery rendered her athleticism moot as she struggled to swim in a pool.
Had you stopped there, you would have been merely evil, you watery bastard.
But no, you just couldnt stop there, could you?
and inflated it to the size of a playground ball, thereby causing her to be eliminated.
Water, why couldnt you have taken out all your aggressions on the cheerleaders, like machines do?
Last nights episode ofThe Amazing Racebegan with a taxi door swinging itself shut on Jaimes head.
Small price to pay!
Margie griped about Luke, I dont want to hear him yell Mom!
(And I think she speaks for us all.)
Jaime continued her love affair with the worlds taxi drivers.
But even harder than riding an electric bike was pronouncing Tiananmen Square, which most people called Tine-amen Square.
If we cant do this task, Mom and Dad will kill us, said Victor.
Very shameful, said Tammy.
These two live in fear of their parents the way a soldier in Iraq fears IEDs.
It is said that in Chinese, the word for crisis is the same as the word for opportunity.
The food orders sounded scrumptious, though.
Take Good Luck Squid.
I love good luck, so imagine how good it is slathered all over squid!
If its half as good as Break a Leg Octopus, then Ill have seconds!
Then there was New Taste Beef.
I was getting really tired of the old taste of beef.
It was so…beefy.
Can they make it taste like shame?
Its Tammys parents secret ingredient for everything.
Its kind of like paprika, only with more disappointment.
It was entertaining watching Victor and Tammy do this challenge.
Tammy was ostensibly going to be the speaker, but Victor coached her and corrected her through every order.
He could not stop himself.
It was like watching Jeff Dunham and New Taste Peanut.
They scored on the second go-round, and quickly found the nearby U-Turn.
Wasnt it only last week that Jen practically drowned just trying to swim a lap?
NEXT: Who wants starfish with a side of larvae?
Jen and Kisha had no idea they were being U-Turned.
Luke applied Margies powder like he was painting a picket fence.
And she got frustrated saying, Will you stop with the white?
and He made me look like Alice Cooper.
Actually, she looked like she had just head-butted the corpse of Tammy Faye Bakker.
Ultimately, though, it didnt seem to matter.
Meanwhile, Jaime and Cara seemed to still be a lost cause.
into the window of an empty cab.
This cabbie had gotten the warning about Bad Luck Redhead, and drove away.
Meanwhile, Tammy and Victor had arrived at the Roadblock.
Very difficult to keep down.
Add a few extra quotation marks and that sounds like the worst Zagats review ever.
That left 24 more minutes for the other teams to fight over who could get the most lost.
Then the sisters arrived, and, faced with their U-Turn, had to finish the Chinese Waiter challenge.
While they tried to pronounce the orders, we saw translating subtitles for what they actually ended up saying.
For example, instead of Fried Chicken, they said, Monthly Use Taiwanese Chicken.
For New Taste Beef, they said, Good Western Heads Lack Fish.
One guy did it while staring stiffly into the camera.
But what of the cheerleaders?
They were still dragging around the town after three hours, searching for the clue.
This is why I did not want to go to China, said Jaime.
(She should really try selling that slogan to the Chinese Bureau of Tourism.
But as obnoxious as Jaime has been this entire trip, Cara has never turned on her.
Without Cara, Jaime would be completely despicable, but with her, shes Jasmine Guy onA Different World.
The cheerleaders managed to catch up, and Cara wolfed down the grossness.
But then Jen stopped at a Porta Potti.
Its a race for a million dollars and she stops to pee?
It can get really, really uncomfortable.
But this was for a million bucks!
Hell, let your bladder rupture, you’re free to buy a new one later!
Or heres an easy solution: Jen, you were wearing a robe.
Pee your pants, no one would know!
There can be an anything to win dignity to such a thing, anyway.
May I remind you of Will Dr.
Evil Kirby peeing in the hammock in the penultimate Head of Household challenge inBig Brother 2?
He did it and he was proud of it, and that was only for $500,000.
But no, Jen had to stop.
And as a result, the cheerleaders beat them to the mat.
Im sorry to tell you…youre gonna have to keep racing!
said Phil in the go-to reality host switcheroo.
(Im sorry, hosts, but this kind of thing doesnt even make sense.
Why are you sorry to tell them that theyre still in a Race for a million dollars?
So, would you have stopped to pee?
And Kisha said that she wouldnt hold it against Jen, but is such restraint humanly possible?
