Act 1: Kiss and Tell
We open on a studio festooned with an absurd number of votive candles.
(Either that, or the studio has a sign that flashes hoot and screech instead of applause.)
After giving a brief intro, he cuts to a taped interview with Jason.
After the Bachelor dubs Jillian the ultimate friend (ouch!
Holy cow, Harrison is on fire!
Ill bet they used his red-hot wit to light all those votive candles.
Its not long, however, before Harrison steers the conversation back to sex.
Inquiring minds want to know: What really goes on in the fantasy suite?
Valiant effort, Harrison, but Jason isnt going to give up the goods.
Seriously, ABC, why are you trying to invade this mans privacy?
Dont you see, all he wants is for you to leave him and his precious son alone!
Oddly enough, Harrison made no mention of theothersuccessfulBachelorcouple, Byron and Mary.I cant imagine why.
What follows is a mind-numbing litany of whos dating whom among this unclean group of cast-offs.
If you need me, Ill be in the kitchen making a snack.
Act 4: Meow Mix
And were back.
At long last, were finally getting some time with the ladies.
Who could forget the ballot box (and that inexplicably bad dubbing job of Harrisons voice over)?
Or Laurens extraordinary ability to be pushy and abrasive?
I dont think so based on what we just saw.
I didnt know that people didnt like me.
You cant have it!
The whole thing just drags on and on.
I demand a do-over!
Act 5: Shes Heartbroken, Eh?
And Ultimately, you kind of got the friend card… howd that feel?
Jillian weathers it all remarkably well, maintaining a pleasant and classy demeanor.
the hooting and hollering from the crowd is deafening.
But no one really gives the Bachelor the business.
Good for you, sweetie!
Give him (polite) hell!
He stutters an answer I mean, I, what?
I mean, all I can say is that is what I was really feeling.
Though Jillian demurs, Im just messing with you, shesoisnt and who can blame her?
Naomi is equally sanguine, telling Jason, This wasnt meant to be, I can move on.
After this tepid special, I am ready for some real drama.
What about you,Bachelorfans?
DidThe Women Tell Alllive up to your expectations?
And how will you manage to get through the next week without your head exploding from all the suspense?
And once youre done posting here, head over to PopWatch forChris Harrisons exclusive blog.
This week, he takes on all the haters you definitely dont want to miss it.
Ok, rose-lovers, lets talkBachelor!
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