Welcome back to myBachelorquarantine rewatch, rose lovers!

(For those of you just joining us, season 1 ofThe Bacheloris streaming for free onTubi TV.)

Week two of Alex’s “journey” begins with the ladies moving into their new home.

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This is all very disorienting.

And it gets even crazier!

Inside they find what looks like poker chips and some Elvis Presley-looking sunglasses.

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shrieks one of the women.

Okay, Angelique, LaNease, Shannon, Christina, and Katie, go get your glam on!

Wow, I guess leather pants were really a thing in 2002.

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ABC

“You guys look fantastic!”

says Alex as he meets the women at the private jet.

“A lot of leather!”

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Rose lovers, I give you the first-everBachelorsteal, courtesy of Angelique!

“Angelique definitely scored points by dragging me away,” says Alex.

Today’sBachelorgroup dates usually involve some kind of sports competition (is pillow fighting a sport?

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But it’s LaNease who gets the W, and a series of smooches from the Bachelor.

These two have approximately zero chemistry, but Alex has nothing but nice things to say about LaNease.

She’s a “good kisser,” he notes.

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ABC

With that, the date is over, and the group heads back to Los Angeles.

A day trip to Las Vegas?

2 is definitely more my speed: A spa day in Palm Springs.

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ABC

But the other “ladies” aren’t rattled.

“I… um… have,” he admits.

Then they all take a group shower.

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“Amanda has an absolutely rockin' body,” gushes Alex.

I think that’s wrong."

First of all, “wouldn’t know what to do with it”?

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What kind of condescending toxic male bulls— is that?

And guess what, Alexyou areverywrong.

This woman owns a sex trapeze!

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“She’s a little pushy,” snipes Amy.

“It just kind of disgusted me,” adds Amanda.

Never fear, my queenyour time will come.

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The last group date of the week goes to Alexa, Rhonda, Kim, Cathy, and Tina.

At the “random gas station,” the gang buys ice cream sandwiches and lotto tickets.

“That was great.”

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Now, time to hit the high seas!

“I love Cathy to death, don’t get me wrong,” Tina says to Alex.

“But Cathy’s 22.

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Good Lord, what the hell kind of sailing date is this?

Rhonda knows how to shoot a gun.

Alex also thinks she’s the “best wife material” out of all the women on the date.

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All right, rose lovers, it’s that time.

Not calling the mansion “the Villa,” and not calling the rose ceremony “invitation night.”

Shannon, how can you not feel special right now?

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You’re literally wearing Alex’s jacket!

I guess producers didn’t institute thatno-jacket-sharing ruleuntil later.

Girl, where the actual hell do you think you are?

On to the rose ceremony roll call!

Wait, are the womensitting down?

Two down, five to go, rose lovers!

Are you enjoying this retro recap of the first-ever Bachelor “journey”?

The Bachelorseason 1 is streaming on Tubi TV.