Welcome back, rose lovers!

Before we recap the latest segment of Alexs journey (hometown dates already???

Lets talk hometown dates, shall we?

The Bachelor

Credit: ABC

Chris Harrison even helps with the luggage, because hes justthatmuch of a gentleman.

Ill be honest, I had to go back to theepisode 1 recapto remind myself who Kim is.

Kim is one of the most beautiful women in the world, he gushes.

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

And shes exactly the look that I love.

(Uh-oh, Alex doesnt know whoDr.

Philis this could be a problem.)

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

Is this the best topic for a we could be getting engaged in a few weeks conversation?

Probably not but on the other hand, it could help Alex avoid a bout of proposers remorse.

Theres a lot of dead animals in here, says Alex politely.

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

Turns out Kim comes from a huntin family.

Pete wants to know what the Bachelors hobbies are.

Awwww, now Drew is bawling!

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

Shes so trusting and shes just so sweet, says Missy.

She should be called chocolate because shes so sweet.

Awww, nowKimis crying!

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

Welp, on to the next potential wife!

Rose lovers, maybe its just the quarantine talking, but this made me howl with laughter.

I know, I know theres no sense in trying to apply logic to this franchise.

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

Im a perfect example, says Roseanne.

A divorced mother raising a child.

But more importantly, mom wants to know…

Oh, mother!

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

But yes she says Alex is a good kisser.

(What else is she going to say?

Right as its time to say goodbye, mom Roseanne makes it awkward again.

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

I want you two to give each other a nice kiss before you leave.

Tristas somewhat mortified, but she and Alex oblige.

The Bachelor leaves his visit with Tristas family feeling better about things with her.

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

she shuts him down.

I cant, she says.

I cant picture being exclusive, because that would mean youre cheating on me.

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

That is correct, maam!

Im so tired, I cant function at all, he says with a grim laugh.

And Im trying to make nice in the living room, but I am sleepwalking.

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

Can we just take a moment to appreciate what Amanda wore to this large gathering of family and friends?

Youre looking for marriage?

How much do you work?Answers: No, Harvard.

The Bachelor frame grab

ABC

Depends on the project.

And now for thereallytough question:Are you worried about hurtin anybody?Yeah, admits Alex.

Its much more emotionally serious…

The tough thing is, Im one persons boyfriend, and Im dating her roommates.

Sorry, is it me, or does Amandas brother Scott really look like a young Larry Bird?

Scott is impressed with how Alex handled his time on the Big Brother Hot Seat.

He held his own, he says.

And he did it on only three hours of sleep!

Better hit the hay, Alex theres one more family waiting.

We do need to take a moment to appreciate Shannons mom, Susan, and her perfectly-tied neck scarf.

The dog is number one, explains Michael.

Im just gonna go say hi, she says at last.

Good plan, Shannon!

Eventually, Shannon and Alex head outside to take Avery for a walk.

Do you have any questions?

Shannon asks the Bachelor, but every time he starts to answer she starts running after the dog.

He seems very nice, Susan says once Shannon is back inside.

Do you have anything in common with him?

Ouch that is a low-key mom burn if I ever heard one.

But mom and dad clearly think Alex and Shannon have nothing in common.

I would be very surprised.

And then Alex has theaudacityto ask her what her self-described rules are about sex!

How did I know this would eventually come up with you?

When the Bachelor apologizes for putting her on the spot, Shannon goes into full-PMS mode.

I dont think that you feel bad at all!

Like, I think that you see how awkward I feel right now, but you just dont care.

I wasnt expecting the grill that I got from Alex tonight, she says.

(Sorry, toots, butnobodyexpects the Spanish Inquisition.)

Shannon wisely uses hers to apologize: Im sorry tonight kind of didnt go as I had planned.

Will it be enough?

Rose ceremony roll call: Trista, Shannon(!

Kims too easygoing for me, explains Alex.

Were not really right for each other.

As upset as she is, Kim does not equate this rejection with her worthiness.

I know there are other men out there for me, she says tearfully.

He just isnt the one right now.

Damn right, Kim!

Welp, rose lovers, just three episodes left.

But hey, we can all live vicariously throughanytravel right now.

See you next Monday!