Anyone who says differently is selling something.
I think thats where I can really shine and I can really, really come out of my skin.
Oh, Jakey-poo, how little you know our Bachelorette.
Credit: Kevin Foley/ABC
God, I hope they bathed in Purell before making dinner.
Ive never had that dream, but then again, I havent been a girl for about 18 years.
And she LOVES it.
Do I even need to tell you that Kipper gets a rose?
Shes practically ovulating in his presence.
Moving on to the group date.
I understand national pride and all, but really?
Michael, meanwhile, wisely uses the time to keep Jillian warm in his embrace.
I was on cloud nine, he says.
I want you to know that its okay to not be perfect.
Of course, there is one bachelor whos clearly already learned that valuable lesson.
I want to see that hes got a soft side to him.
Unfortunately, its pretty hard to see something that doesnt exist.
I was walking behind you all day long, he says, miming how he leered at her badonkadonk.
Oh, but it gets worse.
After such masterful foreplay, Dave drunkenly leans in for a kiss.
Rather than punching him in the face, Jillian offers him her cheek.
Youve stuck your tongue down the throat of every guy here.
Jillian:Um,sonot true!
Dave:Thats not what Ive heard, Slutty McHobag.
The producers made me kiss all those losers during theWestern Porndate.
Therefore, they were fictional kisses.
Ive only givenrealkisses to a socially acceptable number of guys!
To set me up like that and then turn her cheek on me is challenging me, he says.
I think she was testing me, and I love it.
One thing is clear, though, Mike the Baseball Camp Owner is in it to win it.
(Defeated, the Pizza Entrepreneur throws his hands in the air and chooses option No.
Oh, look, a helicopter!
Our Bachelorette loves herself a fixer-upper!
(Until theMen Tell Allspecial, that is.)
NEXT: The truth about Wes comes out!
Oh, wait, no it doesnt.
So we are not having a cocktail party anymore.
Has she seenanyreality TV at all in the past decade?
This is not a genre that attracts a population known for its high moral character.
(As Wayne Campbell would say, Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.)
Then, the gauntlet is thrown: If you have something to say, lets say it now.
Twenty-three seconds of Who,me?
silence follows, until Jake pipes up.
Id like to know whos here with a girlfriend, he demands.
(Cameras cut to Wes, smirking and arrogant.)
(Technically not a denial, but whatever.)
Yeah, this guy isdefinitelygoing to out himself as the snitch before the seasons up.
