Have we all recovered from the emotional holocaust that wasThe Great Melissa-Mesnick-Molly Scandal of Early Aught Nine?
(Hmmmm, I wonder what those crazy kids Molly and Jason are up to now.
Probably getting used to the fact thatno one cares about them anymore.)
Credit: Adam Larkey/ABC
So lets get this party started, shall we?
When I got back home from Vancouver, I felt defeated, she says.
It took me weeks to sort of get back on my feet.
(Makes sense, given that it only took her weeks to fall for the guy.)
This is a woman who has successfully repressed the memory of her public mortification.
I am 100 percent ready to find love again, she says.
I think Im gong to find Mr.
But Im going to make the right decision the first time.
(Cue the electric guitar!)
Plus, there are bound to be far fewer fashion disasters when the contestants are men.
But just like the relentless optimist Jillian Iamgoing to have my fairy tale ending!
she insists Im going to stay positive.
NEXT PAGE: Did he really just call her Hot Tub Harris?
Yeah, he has nice abs, but can he break dance?
(Im not gonna lie, folks this guys my favorite already.)
1 hit single inChihuahua, Mexico.
Greg, meanwhile, is a fitness model from Scottsdale who goes by Billbro.
Well, at least we cant call him a commitment-phobe maybe just a boundary-phobe.
Finally, its time for Jillian to meet the dudes.
And if that man is going to turn up anywhere, itll be on TV, right?
The limos start arriving, and once again the first man up is Kiptyn.
NEXT PAGE: Let the cblocking begin!
If America can decipher Jillians exotic speech patterns aboot, sore-y surely they can handle an English accent.
Even as shes about to enter the Macho-dome, Jillian keeps her wits about her.
Easy on the h-word!
she admonishes Harrison, after the host asks her if her future husband is waiting inside.
Kicking off the party with a jubilant Cheers, guys!
our Bachelorette wades into the sea of testosterone.
Thats right, folks, weve got a classic self-esteem underminer in our midst!
The swordfight continues as Juan appears and sends Kiptyn packing with a ballsy, Your times up!
and then Harrison walks in with tension on a platter: the First Impression Rose.
Has anyone kissed her yet?
Because Ill punch you right in the face.
(Hey Jillian, the search is over I think youve found your great communicator!)
(New York and all of non-white America to that guy: Right back atcha.)
No, he just wants to know what shes looking for in a guy.
If her list also includes to be someones trophy wife, then she may want to consider Wes instead.
I didnt just come up here to stay for three days and go home, he tells the camera.
I came for the prize.
But wait, whats this?
Sorry Billbro, butyou got served.
Im a big foot guy, he explains.
Gotta have high arches, thats the key.
If you have low arches, its just kind of manly.
Gotta have the painted toenails… No toe jam hanging out, no, uh, corns.
Its all fun and games until someone orders someone else toput the lotion in the basket.
NEXT PAGE: Ten men take the walk of shame
Wow, is it rose ceremony time already?
Those two hours just flew by, didnt they!
(Oh, and by the way, it turns out Mr. Great Catch is named Mike.
And guess what, guys?
And honestly, I dont even know what to say about Tanner P. advancing to the next round.
For Jillians sake, lets just hope the producers had the FBI on speed dial during filming.
