Its been a long 31 weeks, rose lovers.
Anything… stressful or unprecedented been going on in your lives the past seven-plus months?
Nah, me neither.
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TeamBachelorettekicks things off with an extended teaser that (mostly) confirmsall the rumorsweve been hearing about Clares journey.
Rumor 1: Clare falls hard and fast for one of her guys,Dale Moss.
We see Dale exit the limo and give the Bachelorette a big bear hug.
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As he walks inside.
I definitely feel like I just met my husband, gushes a shaky Clare.
When Dale stepped out of the limo, it was like love at first sight.
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Welp, I guess we can consider that rumor confirmed.
On to the next!
Rumor 2: Clare quits as Bachelorette, and Tayshia steps in as replacement.
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Okay, so here producers are playing it a bit coyer though Im not sure why.
Yes, but clearly producers arent ready to admit it yet.
Tayshia is nowhere to be found in the this-season-on super-tease… unless this is the back of her head?
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Either way, lets consider rumor No.
With that taken care of, let the journey begin!
Legitimate LOL, buddy.
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Ill admit, I had to pause for a good three minutes to laugh at this shot.
Is this what sheltering at home looks like for ANYONE?
(As someone who hasnt seen her own mother in person since February, I get it.)
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Whats that, Chris Harrison?
Clares is officially COVID-free?
Its finally time to get this show going?
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Roll the hot-men-in-quarantine montage!
Instead, we get quick, self-shot glimpses of a handful of guys sitting around their hotel rooms.
Love the creative use of coffee creamers.
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They call it the H-bomb when you drop that [into conversation].
Wow, hes an Ivy League snobanda financial dude-bro from New York?
Its as ifAmerican Psychos Patrick Bateman stepped off the page and into La Quinta!
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Hold up, we have our first salmon jacket of the season!
Happy to see Eazy keeping the tradition alive.Tyler Cameronwould be so proud.
Our Bachelorette says shes looking for someone with depth, and shes ready for hard conversations.
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I want to get married and engaged to the right man, she says.
And this is where I expect that to happen.
Oh, honey, you know better than that.
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Finally, its limo time!
(yo dont turn out to be awful.)
Riley, 30:Technically speaking, his intro gag doesnt even make sense.
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Youre an attorney, so youre finding Clare guilty as charged for looking beautiful?
Sorry rose lovers, Im overthinking this.
Riley seems cute, and Ill admit, his spiel made me laugh.
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Zac C., 36:An addiction specialist from New Jersey.
Believes everything happens for a reason.
(It doesnt.)
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At least, he can say Maganda ka, which means youre very beautiful in Tagalog.
Kenny, 39:This boy-band manager (!)
from Chicago bowls Clare over by arriving in a T-shirt featuring a painting of her two dogs.
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Brendan, 30:The roofer has a strong bow-tie game.
Well be the judge ofthat, buddy.
Blake Monar, 31:A male grooming specialist?
Well, its not as ridiculous as boy band manager, but well take it.
Its reminiscent ofGarretts minivan entranceon Beccas season, but hopefully, Clares love story will havea happier ending.
This Blake M. is a wildlife manager from Ontario.
Chris, 27:Hmmm…
I could use a landscape design salesman.
My yard looks like crap.
In other news, this guy seems nice, and I dig his floral tie.
Shell never pick him.
Garin, 34:This journalism professor from California admits to being kinda fun.
Im guessing thats a sports thing.
But to give credit where its due, Jay appears to keep the damn thing onall night.
ButChasen, 31, does not go the whole knight in shining armor route.
Points for avoiding the obvious cliche, Chasen.
(Also, is Chasen actually a name?
Demar, 26: I may have fallen for you already, the spin instructor tells Clare.
Oh, did I forget to tell you that he was wearing a parachute?
Sorry, thats kind of important to the joke.
But hey, it was worth it for the bubble joke, I guess.
Yosef, 30:This man arrived with a plate of moon pies for Clare.
Honestly, more men should show up to dates with baked goods.
Jordan C., 26:Popcorn?
Sorry, Mr. Software Account Executive from New York, but not all carbs are created equal.
(See: The aforementioned moon pies.)
Zach J., 37:Ah, the old fake proposal gag.
But wait, rose lovers this one comes with sound effects!
Yeah, Clare seems like a woman who appreciates a fart joke.
Just look at her:
I knew it!
I definitely feel like I just met my husband.
Shes giddy and breathless.
With Dale, everything else went dark around me, Clare explains to Harrison.
I felt everything that I havent felt…ever.
The host is a little taken aback.
Um… you know theres more [guys] to come?
Yeah, she knows.
I mean, obviously, Id love to meet everybody, giggles Clare.
Man, sucks to be the dudes in the last limo.
Page, 37:Hes a chef, and hes from Austin.
Tyler S., 36: A music manager from Texas.
He is also not Dale.
Wait, thats it?
Okay, then its cocktail party time!
After a cordial but somewhat chemistry-free chat with Eazy, Clare sits down with Dale.
Plus, theyre both empaths!
In other cute news: Joe the anesthesiologist made Clare an entire tray of origami animals!
It made me smile.
It made me feel good, says the Bachelorette.
Hmmm… maybe hedoeshave a chance after all?
(Just kidding: Hes not Dale.)
When the first impression rose makes its appearance, Yosef informs us that hes a lock.
She deserves only the best, he says.
And I promise you, Im the best.
Sorry buddy, but a station-wagon-driving lawyer is about to call BS on your butt.
(He apparently found out from a friend-of-a-friend who Yosef allegedly hit up.)
The Bachelorette is having none of this.
Hoo boy, poor Tyler C. didnt realize what kind of skilled sleazeball hes dealing with.
Im here for you.
I have to set a good example for my daughter!and so on and so forth.
You know what that means: Now Tyler C. is the one who looks like an a-hole!
It never fails, does it rose lovers?
But you know what?
You broke the rule, says Clare, her voice once again quavery with emotion.
But I want you to know that that time you broke the rule meant everything to me.
How much, you ask?
First kiss of the night, thats how much!
Still, Dale gets a kissandthe First Impression Rose… because of course he does.
Sorry guys, but the suns coming up and production needs at least a few hours' sleep.
See you later, fellas!
Maybe literally will they be back when Tayshia (allegedly) takes over as Bachelorette?
Maybe so, but all signs point to she picks him and walks away.
OMGwho could it be inside?
(Rhetorical question.)
Well, rose lovers, was it worth the wait?
And honestly, was there anything cuter than Joes origami zoo?
Post your thoughts below!
