Before you pass out from exhaustion, rose lovers, lets recap this special bonus episode ofThe Bachelor.
That was way harsh, Tai.
The man is apilot.
Credit: ABC
So many people, like, in the shallow waters of life, says Hannah Ann.
And youll only catch minnows in the shallow waters.
SHES IN THE DEEP END, WATCH AS SHE DIVES IN!
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SHELL NEVER MEET THE GROUND!
She says something about Peters qualities, but hes not quite convinced.
Poor thing, she sure looks lonely.
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I wanna know what shes feeling, sighs Peter.
But its, like, shes not showing me that.
Enjoy that date rose, young lady!
ABC
Back at the hotel…Knock Knock Knock!There are two date cards at the door!
Hey look, Mykenna is crying again!
Awwww, are your feelings so hurt that you want to pack your lip gloss and go home?
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Dont let the Reject SUVs door hit you on the way out, honey.
No such luck, rose lovers.
Of course, the next day, Mykenna joins the rest of the ladies on the group date.
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And the activity is a good one: Its telenovela time!
Because as anyone who watched 30 seconds ofEl Amor De Pedrocan see, none of these people can act.
They all get points for playing along, though.
ABC
Kelleys been assigned the role of Pedros abuela but nevertheless, she persists at hitting on him.
(A flowered mumu and tragic white wig arent going to stop her!)
Sorry, I need to correct something.
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Is there anything this man cant do?
I have to be totally honest with you.
Immediately, Victoria P. starts fritzing like a malfunctioning Stepford Housewife I dont know what that just meant…
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I dont know what that just meant so the Bachelor has to spell it out for her.
I dont know if I see you as my wife, he explains.
Dude, dont be sorry just send her truth-distorting ass packing!
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Can I get a car?
Can I get a cab?
she asks someone off-camera.
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Youre gonna make someone so happy one day, he assures her.
Tell her something she doesnt already know, buddy!
See you later, toots probably this summer onParadise.
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They perform a telenovela scene that Peter wrote and then make out for several minutes.
He literally makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world, gushes Madison.
Hes super intentional like showing me how much he cares.
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Are you even ready for an adult relationship?
she asks her rival, adding that shes not mature enough.
You act like a child!
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The bickering gets so loud that it disturbs Madison and Peters ongoing make out sesh.
Yes, yes there is.
I am done with you bringing people down!
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snaps Mykenna, getting up to leave the room.
I will not allow you to attack me anymore.
Naturally, she marches off to tell Peter that Tammy is stirring s up again.
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Tammy came at me and… said she felt like Im not ready for this, says Mykenna.
But I dont want you to have any, like, fears about me.
Peter finds Tammys need to meddle confusing, and assures Mykenna that he does not doubt her intentions.
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But… he still gives the date rose to Madison.
The next morning, Peter meets Victoria F. at El Penasco de Santa Sylvia ranch.
(Anyone else having flashbacks to JoJos date with Alex onThe Bachelorette?)
I think its definitely going to help us connect, says Peter, ever optimistic.
Im trying not to be in my head about the other girls, she mumbles through tears.
Its so hard when its in your face all the time.
The cameras, she loves them!
Still, Peter has a mission at dinner: Get Victoria F. to Open UpTM about her feelings.
Honestly, I was very… caught off guard by how you were talking today, he admits.
It hurt my confidence in us a little.
The Bachelor wants to know why WHY?
is she sabotaging their relationship.
like talk to me, says Peter, as Victoria F. squirms in her chair.
So Im taking my frustrations out on him.
wails Victoria F. This is the most Ive ever tried with anybody!
(Wow, thats a grim thought.)
Back at the table, a sad-looking Peter commiserates with his producer.
What else do I do right now?
Hmmm… good question.
A few options: A) Cut the date short and go binge-watchCheer.
B) Text Madison and tell her to take a Lyft over shed never pull this kind of crap.
Which option do you think the Bachelor chooses?
I know that I like you, and I know that I want this to continue, says Victoria.
I just dont why Im acting like this.
The date seems to have a happy ending, but Peter still seems freaked out by the whole experience.
This I feel like is my first real sense of doubt, he says.
Shes the first girl that Ive really fell for that Im not receiving that validation back from.
From there we cut to the ladies in their hotel room the next day.
theres an unexpected date card at the door!
Both of the women are upset, but they keep their poker faces on.
Okay you two game ON!
Doesnt that look like the poster for some CW drama about hot vampires?
Before Peter gets there, Mykenna lays into Tammy for trying to tear her down.
I am proud of who I am, Tammy!
Love wins, she says with a quiver in her voice.
Bringing people down never wins.
She says things like, It seems like the Mykenna Show!
Shes trying to create hashtags for her brand, says Tammy.
She packed her bags before the group date, Peter, and was ready to leave!
(Im wearing black today because its her funeral, she notes with a smirk.)
Im speaking my damn truth.
Uh oh looks like Tammys trying to eavesdrop.
Im not the villain of the season, honey, she says primly.
It devolves from there (Dont lead with your emotions!
You are nothing to me, girl!)
and finally, mercifully, Peter returns to render his verdict.
Im really disappointed, she says bitterly.
I guess thats what he wants a trophy wife.
Dont be silly, Tammy.
Peter has no ideawhathe wants.
With that unpleasant business over with, Peter and the ladies manage to have a relatively drama-free cocktail party.
No one yells, no one fights, no one accuses anyone else of popping pills.
Its a minor miracle!
Without any bad behavior to reward, Peter is at a loss.
At this point right now, I dont know who Im sending home, he says.
Well, you better figure it out, pal its rose ceremony time!
You know what that means, rose lovers… Mykenna survived the mini two-on-one date only to get dumped an hour later!
Why didnt he just send us both home?
she wonders, echoing everyone watching.
Thats harsh, bro.
But hey, Peter is a man of mystery, right?
We made it, rose lovers!
Five hours ofThe Bachelorin one week.
Are you surprised by Peters final six?
Will you be happy to see Tammy, Mykenna, and/or Sydney in Paradise?
And how much meat have you ever eaten in one sitting?
Post your thoughts below!
