Plus, the Bachelor gets in a fight with a golf cart (and loses).
Another week, another beef.
For now, lets recap.
Credit: ABC
I think its for the rose and to be on TV.
(That may be true about Alayah, but Id argue thats true abouteveryonesitting on those couches.)
Alayah does leave… but only because Peter pulls her aside and asks her to go.
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Its probably time to say goodbye.
As the Bachelor walks hand-in-hand with Alayah out the door, the ladies grumble angrily (The disrespect!)
until they realize that hes taking her to the Reject SUV.
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I just want you all to know that I value you all so much, he says.
I hear you, I trust you, and hopefully you still want to be here.
With that, he finally starts up the requisite one-on-one chats.
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Natasha goes first and informs Peter that the idea of leaving has crossed lots of minds.
Im so confused, she whispers to the Bachelor.
Im literally in shock.
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All he can say is, It wasnt easy for me.
It was so nice to meet you.
Harrumph you deserve better, girl.
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And were off to Costa Rica, rose lovers!
keeps it real in her welcome interview.
Costa Rica seems cool, but Im pretty tired from traveling, she says.
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YES, traveling is exhausting.
I frickin stabbed myself in the head, says the Bachelor with a sheepish laugh.
I have 22 stitches.
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This makes all of the other ladies sad, especially Kelsey.
I didnt expect it to be this hard, she says through her (omnipresent) tears.
They talk about travel and their family backgrounds for a bit before they inevitably begin smooching.
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You are the best kisser, Peter tells Sydney.
Shes all, STOP!
but you justknowshe cant wait to share this news with all the other women.
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Its all very romantic until…
Watch the head, woman!
I ate my lunch, like, literally in a bathroom stall my whole senior year.
Im very, very sad, moans Kelsey, whos clearly a few glasses of wine into her evening.
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Tammy tries to comfort her.
Sad that hes seeing other people?
Yes, its not a very easy sight to see, but it is what we signed up for.
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Amen x 100, Tammy!
But Kelsey refuses to be consoled shellneverbe okay with watching Peter with other women!
Her torture willneverend, even though Peter has to choose one woman at the end!
Kelsey is also horrified at the idea that Peter might choose Sydney.
Do you not like her?
Kelseys answer comes in two parts.
First: I like Sydney a lot I think shes cool.
Second: But, shes a dramatic fing bitch.
Correction: Theres actually a part three to Kelseys answer, and it involves interpretive dance.
Tammy listens patiently and eventually escapes.
Kelsey is a hot mess!
Shes been crying forweeks!
She cried over a champagne bottle for four days.
I dont think when my grandpa died, I cried for that long.
But theyre not going to enjoy a relaxing day in the water far from it, rose lovers.
The ladies are going to have to earn their cocktails today by… modeling swimsuits forCosmopolitanmagazine!
This is the big fashion feature for our March issue, explains editor-in-chief Jessica Pels.
Plus, the winner will be featured with Peter on the cover!
The photoshoot goes about as youd expect.
The ladies arch their backs, as instructed by the photographer, and Peter does his best Blue Steel.
Victoria F., who steals a kiss from Peter during the above group shot, is declared the winner.
At the post-date cocktail party, Peter and Victoria F. kick things off with some hardcore making out.
Then he and Hannah Ann suck face for a while.
This is really hard for me because Im taking it really seriously, she tells Peter.
I am falling in love with you.
The Bachelor responds to this revelation the only way he knows how: By planting one on her.
Im feeling it I promise, he says, and they smooch some more.
Youve seen this show before.
I tried to talk to her.
She was just sitting by herself, crying her eyes out, says Tammy.
And Ive seen multiple times that shes been drinking excessively.
None of this comes as a surprise to the Bachelor, who knows Kelsey has been struggling.
Immediately, Kelsey starts tearing up.
It wasnt a breakdown, she says defensively.
It was just me, like, processing my feelings for you.
Peter is sympathetic, but clearly still a little concerned.
Kelsey, of course, is livid.
Im not ashamed of crying in front of people, continues Kelsey.
Im proud of it.
Uh… you sure?
Everyones having a rough time, adds Victoria F. It takes a strong woman to get through this.
Kelsey doesnt want to hear it.
Just mind your own fing business, she snaps.
I dont talk about other relationships when Im with him.
Because we dont cry for four hours a day?
I dont need to drink myself to death and cry about it for a whole day.
Once again, Amen x 100, Tammy!
Indeed, all of the women are tired of Kelseys drama, which shes been serving since#Champagnegate.
The mood is tense when Peter arrives to hand out the date rose.
Congrats, Hannah Ann.
On to hour three!
The second one-on-one date of the episode goes to Kelley.
Shes excited, but also not sure what shes going to Open UpTM about.
I dont have this sob story, she says.
Plus… shes maybe just not that into him?
Before the date, Kelley heaves a remarkably heavy sigh.
Yeah, well have fun, she says with exactly zero enthusiasm.
Not a great sign.
Uh-oh, Kelsey and Tammy are sitting down to talk about the uncomfortability in the group.
Do you have a problem with me, and if so, like, what is it?
I did talk to Peter about you, but it wasnt about you.
It was about me… Its about, like, how Im distracted about caring for others.
Kelsey calls bulls, and Tammy calls bulls on her bulls.
I wasnt the one drinking, she says pointedly.AaaandKelseys crying again.
Well, that was awkward.
Maybe its time to return to the awkward date with Peter and Kelley.
At dinner, Peter comes right out and asks Kelley why shes disappeared on him.
I cant go any further having reservations, he says.
For example, why did he keep rewarding the drama with Victoria P. and Alayah?
Should a grown-ass man who actuallywantsto get married really be spending his time ping-ponging between disgruntled beauty queens?
Its a valid point, but Peter seems a little irritated by it.
I kind of explained, that was me just having to figure out my stuff, he says.
I did what I had to do.
Shes ready to work on it if he is… so whats it gonna be, Peter?
I need you to trust in this process, the Bachelor tells her.
you oughta give yourself to it.
Shell get right on that, Peter.
The morning of the rose ceremony arrives, and Kelsey is on a mission.
She paints her face, puts on her Daisy Dukes, and marches right out the door.
Where is she going?
wonders one of the women.
Probably crying somewhere, sneers Tammy, rolling her eyes.
Mean girl Tammy is spreading rumors about her, says Kelsey, and its very hurtful.
Peter, who seems powerless in the face of a beautiful basket case, totally LOVES it.
What you did today is just another testament to how much you care, he says.
That means so, so much to me.
Which he then hides behind a couch cushion without her seeing!
And then he hands it to her, outside of the confines of the rose ceremony!
Its terrifying, she says.
But when theres something worth fighting for, you stick with it.
The ladies are all sitting outside together, dressed in their rose ceremony finery, when Kelsey returns.
(There also happens to be a very long-stemmed rose sitting on the outdoor table for some reason.)
Hopefully tonight should be… smooth sailing?
says Kelsey, trailing off.
Awww, thats adorable.
Of course tonights going to be a sshow!
Harrison confirms it when he arrives and informs the women that were going straight to the rose ceremony…
Earlier today, Peter got the clarity he needs.
And it doesnt take long.
I do have a question, Kelsey, says Tammy.
Did you say anything about me in your conversation with Peter?
But hey, the ladies are definitely ready to place blame.
But at this point, its too late for reason or common sense.
Im so fing frustrated!
I didnt start the popping pills thing I heard that from someone else!
insists Tammy, without saying who.
I dont know what kind of medication you take.
Well, Kelsey is more than happy to tell you.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph what is happening?
Now Tammy is scrambling, saying Victoria P. gave her the impression that Kelsey was mixing booze and pills.
But shes caught out with her denials and retractions, and the rest of the women are over it.
This devolves into dueling shut the f ups.
The other ladies are living for it.
Just look at Mykennas face when Tammy stands up and starts going off.
sniffs Sydney in her confessional.
I hope that Peter sends home anyone that is crazy.
Oh honey, if he did that, thered be no one left!
Rose ceremony roll call No.
And the winners are…
Peter, Im sorry before we begin, can I talk to you?
Yep, its Tammy interrupting the proceedings.
She pulls Peter aside to find out if his clarity had anything to do with her.
Im here to focus on my relationship with you.
But she stays put, and eventually, Peter returns.
Lets try this again: Rose ceremony roll call No.
Victoria F., Madison, Natasha, Victoria P., Mykenna, and Tammy (!)
join Kelsey, Hannah Ann, Kelley, and Sydney in the Safe Space.
This means its time to take a moment and say our goodbyes to Lexi and Shiann.
But the latter is not going to leave quietly.
Yeah, Peter, take her advice.
Beware of basically everyone except maybe Madison?
Welp, rose lovers, that was a lot of crazy stuffed into three hours.
And we get to do it all again (for two hours, at least) on Wednesday.
Were you sad to see Lexi and Shiann go?
Is Kelsey dangerously unstable or just garden-variety unstable?
And should we just go ahead and hire Tammy asBachelor in Paradisenarrator now?
Post your thoughts below!
