I dearly wish Kevin Lee could have been the new Houseperson instead of Brandi or Dana.
Then again, Id take a rumpled brown paper bag with eyeballs painted on it in lieu of Dana.
When Camille Grammer is calling you desperate… Dana, you in danger girl.
Credit: Bravo
Overall, this episode was jam-packed from the get-go.
At most, it was a lunge at the jugular.
At the very least, a thinly veiled jab at Brandis parenting skills.
Granted, Brandi didnt help herself by saying, I dont think its that bad.
Kyle was taking no prisoners: You probably wouldnt where youre from.
And chiiiiiild, Taylors Joker mouth swung open as wide as the day is long.
There was no turning back.
Moments later, Brandi told the Richards sisters, Im from the trailer.
Dont forget, which I presume is this seasons pull some Oklahoma on your ass.
Kyle was quick to fire back, We dont.
(Awesome direct quote: No one is touching anyone in this house.
There will be no touching!)
Brandi finally took her clue and tried to leave but Kim had hidden her crutches!
Bitter, bitter irony.
Good luck with that!
Dear DanaPam, your only functions were to provide food (fail!)
and maintain the peace between your guests (double fail!).
Of Brandis misplaced crutches, she laughed deviously when she realized Kim had moved them.
After she found them, she said patronizingly to Brandi, Im sorry you had a bad night.
Honey, bad doesnt even begin to cover it.
More than anything, though it was DanaPams indecipherable and desperate ramblings that clinched the title.
Her attempt to quell the roiling conflict between her guests?
Listen, were from Beverly Hills.
We live our life.
We do our thang.
We dont figh at which she cut herself off, remembering she signed up for a reality show.
Something is rotten in Botox.
But back to DanaPam, who took Kyle aside for her attempt at ass kissing.
I love Kim just the way she is, DanaPamBridget Jonesd.
Then, as if it had struck her completely spontaneously, Lets do it!
Lets go on her journey.
And again (in case Kyle didnt hear the first 43 times): Lets go!
Met by Kyles stony silence, she dug deeper, Were together forever, thats what were about.
Always have been… everybody!
Kyle was thoroughly baffled by this point and could only ask, Who?
You and your sister.
Its what we do.
What in the what now?
Who is we here, D-Minor?
A few side notes: Was Kims sudden exuberance as she left weird to anyone else?
And thats without mentioning her joke to Camille: Now you know what you put us through last year!
Camille laughed it off.
What choice did she have?
That Kim was on fire last night, and who was to squelch such lovely, loopy flame?
She proved as much at Camilles charity luncheon for the John Wayne Cancer Institute.
Taylor and DanaPam provided the respectively frail and fawning buffer between Brandi and Kyle.
Long story short, no major drama broke out.
I expected more from the lady who gave us bimbo soup.
Translation: Those are hideous, honey, but youre my daughter, and I love you anyway.
Speaking of all things garish, Dana tried on a bedazzled white fur that retailed for $2,900.
I would have assumed Danas next thought would be, Too cheap!
Now I ask, when do Angelenoseverneed to wear fur?
NEXT: Kims breath is fresh like pine trees!
This happened to be the home that Kim accused Mauricio of stealing during the limo bust-up.
Kyle and Mauricio decided to buy out the others.
Kim had a change of heart soon after, but Kyle told her it was too late.
Lisa described him as the Asian version ofFather of the Bride.
Kevin informed Lisa and Pandora that they were easily looking at a million-dollar wedding.
Not on Kevin Lees watch!
This wedding is going to bepinkand green and Beverly Hills, dahling!
A few more Leelights:
Responding to the 180-person guest count:Thats alllll?!
Of Pandoras desire for pink accents on her dress:What?
I dont think so!
On budgets:Wehavebudget?
(When Lisa responded, Yeah, wedohave a budget?
He could only muster a Welllllll…)
Regarding Lisas proposed $150,000 budget:Its not realistic!
But who comes to this show for realism, anyway?
What did you think,Housewiveshussies?
As for next week, its clear Adriennes spa day is going to be anything but relaxing.
Are you going to need a Tuesday morning massage to recover?
